Some Really Tough Lessons Learned

Over the past month I experienced being “canned” from my NASA work after 7 years. (‘Canned’ is the delightful way one of my clients put it …’fired’ is much too negative.)
In view of that stellar event, I am giving myself important advice: it’s important to collect lessons learned … and here are some of them.

Question for me: Are we coaches ever indispensable?

‘Indispensable’ is not the language of coaching, is it? No, and that’s perfectly fine. Intellectually (logically) we know we’re not. Coaching is a choice involving both client and coach. “I don’t really want a coach” is just as valid and appropriate as “Yes, I think I’d like a coach.” That’s how the profession goes … no co-dependency, always choice. Only people who want (at some level) to be coached are actually coach-able. Agreed?

I’ve been thinking about the dynamics of informing 35+ clients I would not be able to coach them anymore. (In organization coaching when under a contract, the holder of the contract has all the power … that wasn’t me.) The whole concept of ‘choice’ came into focus as did all sorts of emotional reactions from my clients. Let’s go through my list as I see it at this moment in time.

   1. In a 3rd party contractual arrangement, a client is not directly responsible for compensating the coach. In other words, “If someone else is paying, I’m on board!” How difficult is it to imagine what happens to the commitment when the contract is broken? There were extenuating circumstances regarding my ability to approach a client with an offer to continue. Ergo, the choice to be coached is suddenly compromised. And, moving from “free” to “time to pay” is not going to happen often if ever.

   2. Over the many years I’ve coached, when possible I have done my very best to ease the conclusion of a coaching relationship. In some cases, that meant smoothing the road to another coach. In some cases, that meant setting the client up for future success without the support of the coach. In some cases, that meant dealing with strong emotions, often on both sides of the relationship (e.g. anger, shock, sadness, fear, resignation, disappointment). This time an emotional reaction was prevalent and a challenge to manage. I needed to balance my own anger at how this all came down with my deep caring for each client. Clearly, my role was to be calm and caring … every time.

   3. Above all, and of course given coaching is a choice, unquestionably the coach is never indispensable. It is the natural course of our profession that each client will ultimately depart for one reason or another (remember that Coaching Agreement?). Over 18 years of coaching, that moment (however it occurs) is something I’ve experienced over and over and over again. For sure, I’m not now or ever have been indispensable in the life and work of any client. Yet I do have the private pleasure of knowing that sometimes I made a difference.

   4. Coaching self-management also includes the conclusion of the relationship just as surely as any other phase of the relationship. This time, it was the quantity and rapid time frame of the departures that taxed this coach more than ever before. This was new territory for me and not a welcome experience. Yet, and no matter what, I get to keep forever the experience and memories of wonderful people who do great work.

What’s next? Bounce back, engage my creativity, work hard, focus in, and stay out of the “soup of unhelpful emotions.” Sounds like a plan for 2011 and beyond.