Being Present: Defining What Cannot Be Defined

Welcome to my thoughts, my inquiry.
While Coaching Presence is a core competency of ICF professional coaching, I’m not writing this to only coaches. My intention then is to talk about the idea of “being present” as being a critical skill for effective work with people … period.

I work everyday with this coaching core competency. It’s fascinating, ephemeral and indefinable … yet one knows when it’s, well, ‘present’ (or as we coaches might say), in the space, or not missing. It’s a curious phenomenon, at least to the extent that I might say something like “the coach was at an early level of presence but a long way from mastery.” For me that kind of evaluation is intuitive but not easily explained. What’s interesting is that two coaches can agree, most often easily, that our perceptions are the same.

This is one competency I never let get away. It’s too important. As I have many items on my plate (that are over-the-top challenging), being present with each client, each time and completely, becomes an essential skill to renew all over again … and again … and again.

First a couple of definitions (my own):

• Present: being with one or others or in the specified or understood place. (It seems to me this is a behavior or action)
• Presence: the ability to project a sense of ease, poise or self-assurance. (It seems to me this is a quality of a person, as in a distinction)

 In thinking about this blog I began to pay attention to people interacting with one another because I gave priority to that level of noticing.

  

Here are two actual observations that I experienced as similar but not the same at all … see what you think.

(1) I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … children presenting flowers, people in native dress smiling and waving, dignitaries greeting one another. I also noticed how the politician responded to these people. I was struck by the insincerity … the inauthenticity of it all … the performance, as it were. As a remote observer I did not experience any joy or pleasure in this scene … actually, I felt somewhat embarrassed. What’s key here is that I had a feeling about it at all … as if I had an investment in this person’s behavior.

(2) On another occasion I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … the same scenario. However, on this occasion, the politician was clearly authentic … greeting people with great pleasure, paying attention to each, receiving gifts and flowers with pleasure and a feeling that transcended mere duty. There was something authentic and appreciative in this scenario. As an observer I experienced pleasure and even delight at watching a very powerful person being present in the setting at a level that was clearly a gift to those around. Once again, it seemed I had an investment in this activity.

  

What then is “being present?” What about it is so important that it would be a core competency of an entire profession?

That brings us first to …

Christine’s First Fearless Law of Communication:

• Being personally present is central and essential to having an authentic relationship with another person, no matter what.

Being a fan of Murphy and a teacher of logic in my university days, you might expect that I would expand on what I just asserted as basic.

  

I have.

There are four corollaries to my First Fearless Law...

• Corollary One: PARTNERSHIP. Being present to another person engenders and creates partnership, a core aspect of the relationship of coach and client.
• Corollary Two: CURIOSITY. It helps to be curious about something.
• Corollary Three: EXPLORATION. Partners can embark on marvelous journeys of exploration.
• Corollary Four: DISCOVERY. Discovery is the inevitable and remarkable result of exploration.

To be continued ...sometime later.  What do you think, so far?