New Lessons in Self-Management

Self-management is a never-ending lesson.

It's been about a week and a half since my mother passed away peacefully in her sleep. After 5 months of family care in a hospice setting, our family can be proud of our teamwork.

So what does this have to do with self-management? Plenty. A lot. More than I thought.

As a professional coach, my role in the life and work of each client is to be their partner as we seek out insights and what to do about them. During my time in California (several trips across country) I was able to work and enjoyed my mother's interest in "people who can work on the phone." She never really knew what I was up to but enjoyed asking about every call.

It seemed pretty simple and not too difficult to serve clients while being her companion and chef (now there's an exaggeration!). Well, she enjoyed the meals so what else is important? I'm certain I was able to be present (after all the years I've practiced being present) and didn't engage my clients in what I was doing unless asked ... then only briefly. It wasn't my coaching time, after all.

Enough of the story.

It's been a week-and-a-half since my mother passed. I find myself struggling to accomplish anything except effective coaching calls ... thank goodness! Here's my insight: I am clear and present to my need to manage myself in service of my client. In this case I'm including one-on-one clients, a class in group coaching, and a class in executive coaching I taught last Saturday. All went well, are going well, and remain a delight as always. That's professional self-management! That's what I'm looking for and learning about. Above all, even when I don't feel like my morning swim, my work will thrive.

Uh, now there's that other side: personal self-management. Perhaps I'm just asking too much of myself right now. First things first: take care of my professional self, stay away from making too many decisions for a while (even business ones), and begin (begin!) to manage my personal self-management. I sort of think I'm talking myself into a behavior pattern that will work best for all concerned. After all, losing one's mother is a life-altering event ... it's been 32 years since my father died.

Here's what I think personal self-management is all about: it's about being generous with myself in allowing moments of personal grief ... then moving along to what's needed. My mother and I were very close. She would and did ask me to be gentle in caring for myself.

In our professional lives, it is my experience that above all I must be authentic ... I mean really authentic. When with a client it's about the client, when with myself it's okay to be about myself, when enjoying something it's about that.

That's presence and I'm still working on it.