Take the Filters Off

Today I experienced listening to a coach who was not listening to the client. Somewhere in all the angst of an exam, the coach began to assume what the client was asking to work on rather than finding out ... or better yet, hearing the client's explicit wish.

I know this coach is much better at the skill of listening than this conversation revealed. However, it brought to mind that if a highly trained "listener" can miss the point, how easy it is for a lay person to struggle with basic communication.

Listening is an action, hearing is the result of listening. When I want to be heard, I am asking you to listen carefully, keenly, actively. I have something to communicate to you. So it is with our coaching clients. Let's put it this way, when I am listening to my own inner dialogue, how in the world can I also be listening to you? When a coach listens to either their own issues (often via the issue of the client) or has a mental model of how things should be, the client is not being heard, no matter how plaintiff the request. It was that way today.

Think about how you listen. Are you open completely? Did you take off the filters of judgment, opinion and knowledge? This is key as listening is the technique cornerstone of coaching.