Being Impatient

How do we listen during times of added excitement, stress, distraction?

For one thing, I tend to become impatient during these times ... indicating I'm listening to myself and not to you or my client. Impatience is an interesting behavior of mine ... sort of a reinforcing "I know , I know" so get on with it 'cause I don't have the time to listen to anyone else. I think of times when my impatience is an outward indicator of my inward bad mood. Since I don't often think I'm in a bad mood, where does this all come together? Perhaps as I get older I find myself less and less impatient with others; I hope this is true.

What does impatience look like to you? Is this one of your behaviors? And what does it have to do with coaching?

Well, it has plenty to do with coaching. For one thing, being impatient takes away from being present to another person, to the conversation itself. When I'm listening to myself and not to my client I can scarcely be an effective coach.

How do we listen when we're learning a new set of skills, such as coaching?

Being impatient has an effect on a person's ability to listen completely. What I mean by that is what I hear far too often in coaching exams and mentoring: the coach steps over what client is saying in order to perhaps move the conversation along, to think of the next question to ask, or to prejudge what the client is trying to say. Impatience is the best possible example of a coach who hasn't quite yet aquired a decent level of coaching skill. Early in my coaching career I was often impatient, being a "know it all."

'Impatience' it not one of the words I've contemplated previously in connection with coaching. However, it is the behavior that underlies what I would call early-level coaching when uncertainty and "trying to do it right" are the markers. What suffers is the essential coaching competency called "Active Listening."