Tell Me More

The open-ended question “Tell me more” is often touted as a powerful question. But is it? Let’s take a look.

Evoking a deeper conversation…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. In the context and present moment of the conversation, “Tell me more” becomes a powerful question that can evoke a deeper thought, completeness and perhaps a new level of insight. The coach doesn’t ask more about the details but instead listens “for” and is more interested in what isn’t being said or how it is being said than what is being said. In this case, it is the conversation itself that invites “Tell me more.” In this context, “Tell me more” is an ideal and powerful open question that allows exploration, discovery and awareness. The coach and client remain partners in their work together. The client assumes and remains fully accountable for decisions, actions and outcomes.

Making the story more interesting…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. The coach asks the question: “Tell me more.” The client fills in the blanks and begins to describe the situation in greater detail. The coach becomes fascinated with the details and continues to ask more. In the coach’s mind, it’s all about clarification. Along the way the coach stops the conversation to summarize: “Let me see if I hear you correctly.” The discussion goes along on the level of a fascinating conversation. Can you feel the superficial context of this conversation? Within the coaching conversation, a considerable amount of time has gone by that has been mainly about details and whether or not the coach understands the details. In this scenario, “Tell me more” becomes a limiting question that merely asks for more and more details. The conversation remains quite nice, the client may see some actions to take, the coach feels satisfied that the client is getting value, and the deeper underlying issues remain hidden.

Shifting the conversation from client to coach…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. The coach responds to the client’s words with “That’s interesting, I’ve had the same experience (or “that’s my area of expertise”). “Tell me more.” At this point, the conversation shifts to the coach as expert. The client may be anxious to resolve the issue and asks the coach “Tell me how you solved it?” A coach who hasn’t made the shift to a peer relationship with a client will become directive (i.e. tell the client what to do). Can you see that the client in this type of conversation is not likely to own the resolution, the action or the outcome? Leaving the client accountable for his/her decisions and actions is not the usual outcome of this kind of conversation. And most certainly the potential of richness in a collaborative coaching relationship is not possible.

This article was originally written for the University of Texas at Dallas' Executive Coaching Program's newsletter.