I work everyday with the coaching core competency called Coaching Presence. It’s fascinating, ephemeral and indefinable … yet one knows when it’s, well, ‘present’ (or as we coaches might say), in the space, or not missing. It’s a curious phenomenon, at least to the extent that I might say something like “the coach was at an early level of presence but a long way from mastery.” For me that kind of evaluation is intuitive but not easily explained. What’s interesting is that two coaches can agree, most often easily, that our perceptions are the same.
While Coaching Presence is a core competency of ICF professional coaching, I’m not writing this to only coaches. My intention then is to talk about the idea of “being present” as being a critical skill for effective work with people … period.
First a couple of definitions:
Present: being with one or others or in the specified or understood place. (it seems to me this is a behavior or action)
Presence: the ability to project a sense of ease, poise or self-assurance. (it seems to me this is a quality of a person, as in a distinction)
In thinking about this blog I began to pay attention to people interacting with one another as I gave priority to that level of noticing.
Here are two actual observations that I experienced as similar but not the same at all … see what you think.
(1) I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … children presenting flowers, people in native dress smiling and waving, dignitaries greeting one another. I also noticed how the politician responded to these people. I was struck by the insincerity … the inauthenticity of it all … the performance, as it were. As a remote observer I did not experience any joy or pleasure in this scene … actually, I felt somewhat embarrassed. What’s key here is that I had a feeling about it at all … as if I had an investment in this person’s behavior.
(2) On another occasion I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … the same scenario. However, on this occasion, the politician was clearly authentic … greeting people with great pleasure, paying attention to each, receiving gifts and flowers with pleasure and a feeling that transcended mere duty. There was something authentic and appreciative in this scenario. As an observer I experienced pleasure and even delight at watching a very powerful person being present in the setting at a level that was clearly a gift to those around. Once again, it seemed I had an investment in this activity.
What then is “being present?” What about it is so important that it would be a core competency of an entire profession? That brings us first to …
Christine’s First Fearless Law of Communication:
Being personally present is central and essential to having an authentic relationship with another person, no matter what. Being a fan of Murphy and a teacher of logic in my university days, you might expect that I would expand on what I just asserted as basic. .
There are four corollaries to my First Fearless Law.
Corollary One: PARTNERSHIP. Being present to another person engenders and creates partnership, a core aspect of the relationship of coach and client.
Corollary Two: CURIOSITY. It helps to be curious about something.
Corollary Three: EXPLORATION. Partners can embark on marvelous journeys of exploration.
Corollary Four: DISCOVERY. Discovery is the inevitable and remarkable result of exploration.
Taking first things first, there is an order to all of this. Hopefully, the acknowledgement of order will calm the mind of those of us who appreciate and even demand order where order is possible. It’s also my intention to assert that my First Law and its four corollaries are the essential pieces to not only effective, powerful coaching but are also essential pieces of effective, powerful communication in any domain. After all, coaching is but one way to communicate with another person or group of people.
Let’s take a look at the four corollaries. I’m going to put them into a diagram as I am inclined to do with just about anything. I like systems and visual relationships. For those of you who do also, this is an easy one. It’s the typical four-quadrant square.
Being Present:
Working with the Indefinable to Achieve Definable Results
Now we have a model, unproven, inelegant, subject to scrutiny and totally unsupported. But is it really? Why not conceive of this “picture” as just a picture of what actually happens when present to another person. In some realms we call this “possibility.” Could this be the order of things when taking the indefinable “being present” and translating it to “on the court action?”
I have a motive here. I teach coaching and often coach coaches. How does one teach the indefinable? Do I teach what it is not? Do I observe it and “catch it” in mid-air so to speak while exclaiming “That’s it!” Why would I not get the response from my student or client: “What did I do?” and back we go.
Tell me … How did you learn to be present? Are you present right now?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Learning How to Listen
I'm going to take a liberty here and relate a quote I found today to what we strive to do as coaches:
Author Ted Mooney described learning "how to look, and how to teach people to look":
If you stand in front of an artwork of even medium value, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to look, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to see the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to see the object whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner it works too, by the way.
I wonder if you agree with me that 'listening' can be another version of this description of how to look. After all, they are both sensory functions, 'listening' being the one we use more than 'looking.'
It takes something special with a language to describe a complex function in so few words. So with no permission from Mr. Mooney other than a faithful promise that I will only change the essential words involving seeing to listening, here goes...
"[H]ow to listen, and how to teach people to listen:
"If you hear the voice of someone from anywhere and from any social standing, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to listen, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to 'see' (experience) the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to hear the words as a connected whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner or in a group it works too, by the way."
Somehow this quote caught my attention, probably because I just wrote about 'routine housekeeping' as an activity of a coach. This quote says it better, at least in my opinion.
Like it? Does it speak to you?
Author Ted Mooney described learning "how to look, and how to teach people to look":
If you stand in front of an artwork of even medium value, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to look, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to see the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to see the object whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner it works too, by the way.
I wonder if you agree with me that 'listening' can be another version of this description of how to look. After all, they are both sensory functions, 'listening' being the one we use more than 'looking.'
It takes something special with a language to describe a complex function in so few words. So with no permission from Mr. Mooney other than a faithful promise that I will only change the essential words involving seeing to listening, here goes...
"[H]ow to listen, and how to teach people to listen:
"If you hear the voice of someone from anywhere and from any social standing, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to listen, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to 'see' (experience) the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to hear the words as a connected whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner or in a group it works too, by the way."
Somehow this quote caught my attention, probably because I just wrote about 'routine housekeeping' as an activity of a coach. This quote says it better, at least in my opinion.
Like it? Does it speak to you?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Routine Housekeeping
Well, that's not quite the topic with this blog of course. I'm reminded everyday with every client and in every situation to keep my head clear when all about me is not. The essence of the "not" can be seen easily with the following stock phrases:
"I'm in my head."
"You must be in your head."
"I feel so ...."
"She never ...."
"I don't like it when ...."
You get the picture. We humans are full of involvement with our feelings and thinking and experiencing. That's the way things are. But as coaches, a major part of our skill set is to not engage these "heady" conversations, experiences and feelings while with our clients. Our job is to serve each client by being interested (as opposed to interesting) and curious. I'm going to boldly say that being "in one's head" is not exactly a recipe for effective coaching.
What do you think? Did you pick up on the word 'engage?' Never will I say that coaches shouldn't feel or think or experience. Our humanity is our gift to a person we coach. What I want to tweak here is the idea that "being in our heads" or being absent from our client is to abandon the purpose of coaching.
That may be a bit harsh.
Routine housekeeping. Once upon a time I managed a rule book for a sport (swimming). When we had minor adjustments (inconsequential, basically) to a rule we called it housekeeping in order to not get wound up in administrivia and word smithing too often. So let's see ...
Routine housekeeping in this conversation is about clearing our heads each and every time we work in our beloved profession. That's not some of the time, it's every time. My dad would say "clear the cobwebs" and I would say "turn the switch." That's what you and I must practice every minute we work.
What do you think about that?
"I'm in my head."
"You must be in your head."
"I feel so ...."
"She never ...."
"I don't like it when ...."
You get the picture. We humans are full of involvement with our feelings and thinking and experiencing. That's the way things are. But as coaches, a major part of our skill set is to not engage these "heady" conversations, experiences and feelings while with our clients. Our job is to serve each client by being interested (as opposed to interesting) and curious. I'm going to boldly say that being "in one's head" is not exactly a recipe for effective coaching.
What do you think? Did you pick up on the word 'engage?' Never will I say that coaches shouldn't feel or think or experience. Our humanity is our gift to a person we coach. What I want to tweak here is the idea that "being in our heads" or being absent from our client is to abandon the purpose of coaching.
That may be a bit harsh.
Routine housekeeping. Once upon a time I managed a rule book for a sport (swimming). When we had minor adjustments (inconsequential, basically) to a rule we called it housekeeping in order to not get wound up in administrivia and word smithing too often. So let's see ...
Routine housekeeping in this conversation is about clearing our heads each and every time we work in our beloved profession. That's not some of the time, it's every time. My dad would say "clear the cobwebs" and I would say "turn the switch." That's what you and I must practice every minute we work.
What do you think about that?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Structure and Mastery
In coaching, this subject comes along rather frequently.
Structure.
It's a matter of physics. There is a structure to anything and everything no matter how amorphous it seems, no matter how small or how large, no matter how undisovered ... there's structure. An amoeba has structure, of course.
So (my favorite coaching transition word) here's the question: "What is the structure of a conversation that's not supposed to have a script or seemingly no structure?"
The reason this is a subject for now is my prior blog on PCC to MCC ... the big gap. The structure a student learns in a coach training program is a script and that may be where we begin and end this discussion.
I then will ask you: "What is the purpose and utility of a script?"
For all the years I took drama courses and from my youth performing in plays, a recent foray into that world reminded me that a script is a structure for the story that allows me to portray the character within that script. I imagine that makes sense to most. But does being able to use a script well infuse me with mastery? I imagine most of you will say something like 'how could it?'
Yet again I will ask you 'what then, is mastery?' To answer that it might be wise to disappear into metaphor. I invite you to watch actors and sportspersons and journalists and others who are brilliant in their work ... seemingly without effort... and decide for yourself what the structure of their work actually is. In my experience do not be surprised if you find it very difficult to discover the actual structure that separates them from a script or a rule book or a deadline.
I leave you in the inquiry. I hope you find it well worth the time.
Structure.
It's a matter of physics. There is a structure to anything and everything no matter how amorphous it seems, no matter how small or how large, no matter how undisovered ... there's structure. An amoeba has structure, of course.
So (my favorite coaching transition word) here's the question: "What is the structure of a conversation that's not supposed to have a script or seemingly no structure?"
The reason this is a subject for now is my prior blog on PCC to MCC ... the big gap. The structure a student learns in a coach training program is a script and that may be where we begin and end this discussion.
I then will ask you: "What is the purpose and utility of a script?"
For all the years I took drama courses and from my youth performing in plays, a recent foray into that world reminded me that a script is a structure for the story that allows me to portray the character within that script. I imagine that makes sense to most. But does being able to use a script well infuse me with mastery? I imagine most of you will say something like 'how could it?'
Yet again I will ask you 'what then, is mastery?' To answer that it might be wise to disappear into metaphor. I invite you to watch actors and sportspersons and journalists and others who are brilliant in their work ... seemingly without effort... and decide for yourself what the structure of their work actually is. In my experience do not be surprised if you find it very difficult to discover the actual structure that separates them from a script or a rule book or a deadline.
I leave you in the inquiry. I hope you find it well worth the time.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Big Leap from PCC to MCC
I’ve become clear that the leap from a coach training program’s idea of how to coach to being ready to pass the ICF MCC (Master Certified Coach) exam is often Grand Canyon size. I don’t really like to make this kind of distinction as it smacks of “Gee lady, who are you to pass judgment like that?”
Fair question, of course.
I learned from the mouth of the late, wonderful George Leonard (Mastery) who reminded us all that mastery is a journey that requires a relentless commitment to practicing whatever it is one wants to master. He sees the actual road to mastery as a series of long and often unexciting plateaus where nothing seems to happen. “How come I’m not getting there?” “Why is there always more to do, more to practice, more times to fail?” Well, the answer is what he told us.
I have the deepest admiration for coaches who opt to be peer reviewed in a rigorous exam that does not hold back, play favorites or engage in politics. It’s really like that. I have admiration for a coach who approaches and attempts the MCC exam and does not succeed at first and yet never gives up.
Back to the leap.
Coach training programs play to the level of acceptable PCC (Professional Certified Coach) which is absolutely sufficient and indicative of a coach willing to sit for peer review and go through the rigor of the ICF requirements. No one is going to diminish this achievement. I do not say this lightly as I would bring aboard any PCC to work on a project without hesitation.
So who wants to submit to the high possibility of not succeeding in the MCC exam … often at first and occasionally several times? Well, that’s a choice that some want to make. My admiration is loud for those who stay with the development of their coaching skills and style even though the journey is often long, unexciting, frustrating and fraught with the possibility of failure along the way.
If this is okay with you, welcome to the journey!
Fair question, of course.
I learned from the mouth of the late, wonderful George Leonard (Mastery) who reminded us all that mastery is a journey that requires a relentless commitment to practicing whatever it is one wants to master. He sees the actual road to mastery as a series of long and often unexciting plateaus where nothing seems to happen. “How come I’m not getting there?” “Why is there always more to do, more to practice, more times to fail?” Well, the answer is what he told us.
I have the deepest admiration for coaches who opt to be peer reviewed in a rigorous exam that does not hold back, play favorites or engage in politics. It’s really like that. I have admiration for a coach who approaches and attempts the MCC exam and does not succeed at first and yet never gives up.
Back to the leap.
Coach training programs play to the level of acceptable PCC (Professional Certified Coach) which is absolutely sufficient and indicative of a coach willing to sit for peer review and go through the rigor of the ICF requirements. No one is going to diminish this achievement. I do not say this lightly as I would bring aboard any PCC to work on a project without hesitation.
So who wants to submit to the high possibility of not succeeding in the MCC exam … often at first and occasionally several times? Well, that’s a choice that some want to make. My admiration is loud for those who stay with the development of their coaching skills and style even though the journey is often long, unexciting, frustrating and fraught with the possibility of failure along the way.
If this is okay with you, welcome to the journey!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Using Expertise in Coaching
How does a coach use expertise and still remain a coach? Sounds simple ... or does it?
One of the changes I wish the ICF would make is to have a core competency call "Using Expertise" ... it's so needed. However, in the interest of not having enough clout to make that happen, I can at least blog about it.
When I first entered the ICF world in 1996 and then at a Conference in 1998, the idea of being a "business coach" was looked at with scowls and doubts. Just so you know, I was not trained as a coach in any of the first few coach training programs that focused (in the U.S., that is) on life or personal coaching. The perpetual struggle at the time was separating coaching from therapy/counseling/psychology. I wasn't in that struggle as I had one of my own: how does one's expertise fit in with a coaching model that doesn't include expertise at all (just read the current ICF Core Competencies and take note.)
Now I'm not going to put down the CC's as I use them everyday and appreciate their power. In fact, the worm has turned with respect to expertise with the advent of executive coaching as a power in the ICF through university coach training programs and those of us who hide out in organizations (as I do now).
Notwithstanding all this, the technique of using expertise is critical to remaining a coach for a client rather than an advisor or consultant ("this is what and how you do it") in approach. So here's what I do and I'll give an example ...
My client has a struggle managing his time and tasks. What's new about that? Nothing at all. High performing people very often get lost in in their sea of work and, absent managing it, often get lost at sea. It's tempting to "help" your client by giving them techniques to solve their situation. Very tempting and seemingly easy. But as a coach I'm not in that relationship with my client to do that. The test begins when faced with a fervent plea for help. This is where explaining once again how coaching works: "We'll tackle this as partners who will explore together what you might do about it." That's the first instruction. I also like to spend quite a bit of time in the exploration phase where my own curiosity can spur curiosity in my client. The facts are these: (1) we both need to know more about how my client works best; (2) what's the depth/breadth of the situation; (3) what's working now; and (4) what outcome makes the most sense. That's a rather leading series of questions/requests isn't it? Well, this part is all about clarifying the agenda so we know where to begin.
Do you recognize a bit of expertise showing through here? I hope so. Working with a client on a gnarly issue like "time management" isn't an "open question" at the outset. We need to have something to build on ... agree?
When all the preminaries are sorted out, it's time for coaching to take hold. This is when questions become open, the reminders of accountability become clear, the client is learning and seeing with new eyes, and the possibilities of new thinking appear. How cool is that?
You may notice that lists of things to do haven't appeared ... and they're not going to appear when impact coaching is happening. Things to do (aka 'actions') will come along naturally whenever the client's awareness reaches the "I can do something about it!" stage. That's when the coach is supportive but not naive ... "What might get in your way?"
I've found that just about everyone has issues around time and money ... no matter where they're from or how they think. Accepting this as a logical part of being human gives me wide space for accepting the infinite variety of ways people deal with these issues ... and gets me off the hook for being a 'know-it-all" with answers and directives. Clearly we all have it in us to find the way forward, especially with a coach who works from curiosity and lets the client do the "heavy lifting."
One of the changes I wish the ICF would make is to have a core competency call "Using Expertise" ... it's so needed. However, in the interest of not having enough clout to make that happen, I can at least blog about it.
When I first entered the ICF world in 1996 and then at a Conference in 1998, the idea of being a "business coach" was looked at with scowls and doubts. Just so you know, I was not trained as a coach in any of the first few coach training programs that focused (in the U.S., that is) on life or personal coaching. The perpetual struggle at the time was separating coaching from therapy/counseling/psychology. I wasn't in that struggle as I had one of my own: how does one's expertise fit in with a coaching model that doesn't include expertise at all (just read the current ICF Core Competencies and take note.)
Now I'm not going to put down the CC's as I use them everyday and appreciate their power. In fact, the worm has turned with respect to expertise with the advent of executive coaching as a power in the ICF through university coach training programs and those of us who hide out in organizations (as I do now).
Notwithstanding all this, the technique of using expertise is critical to remaining a coach for a client rather than an advisor or consultant ("this is what and how you do it") in approach. So here's what I do and I'll give an example ...
My client has a struggle managing his time and tasks. What's new about that? Nothing at all. High performing people very often get lost in in their sea of work and, absent managing it, often get lost at sea. It's tempting to "help" your client by giving them techniques to solve their situation. Very tempting and seemingly easy. But as a coach I'm not in that relationship with my client to do that. The test begins when faced with a fervent plea for help. This is where explaining once again how coaching works: "We'll tackle this as partners who will explore together what you might do about it." That's the first instruction. I also like to spend quite a bit of time in the exploration phase where my own curiosity can spur curiosity in my client. The facts are these: (1) we both need to know more about how my client works best; (2) what's the depth/breadth of the situation; (3) what's working now; and (4) what outcome makes the most sense. That's a rather leading series of questions/requests isn't it? Well, this part is all about clarifying the agenda so we know where to begin.
Do you recognize a bit of expertise showing through here? I hope so. Working with a client on a gnarly issue like "time management" isn't an "open question" at the outset. We need to have something to build on ... agree?
When all the preminaries are sorted out, it's time for coaching to take hold. This is when questions become open, the reminders of accountability become clear, the client is learning and seeing with new eyes, and the possibilities of new thinking appear. How cool is that?
You may notice that lists of things to do haven't appeared ... and they're not going to appear when impact coaching is happening. Things to do (aka 'actions') will come along naturally whenever the client's awareness reaches the "I can do something about it!" stage. That's when the coach is supportive but not naive ... "What might get in your way?"
I've found that just about everyone has issues around time and money ... no matter where they're from or how they think. Accepting this as a logical part of being human gives me wide space for accepting the infinite variety of ways people deal with these issues ... and gets me off the hook for being a 'know-it-all" with answers and directives. Clearly we all have it in us to find the way forward, especially with a coach who works from curiosity and lets the client do the "heavy lifting."
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Plateaus and Mastery
Practice, practice, practice. I've said this before but it's never going to be different. The road to mastery is a series of plateaus (per George Leonard's Mastery). The darn downside to spending our overwhelming amount of time on a plateau is that it's flat and boring ... well, maybe. For sure it's flat given all we're doing is practicing what we want to get great at doing.
From Mastery, Chapter 10...
"You resolve to make a change for the better in your life. It could be any significant change, but let's say it involves getting on the path of mastery, developing a regular practice. You tell your friends about it. You put your resolution in writing. You actually make the change. It works. It feels good. You're happy about it. Your friends are happy about it. Your life is better.
"Then you backslide."
What's this have to do with you? I find as I mentor and assessor coaches at all levels, that exam failure is the big backslide for some aspiring coaches. If not even taking the credentialing exam is the result of not wanting to fail ... or backslide ... then the road to mastery for you will be rather challenging for other reasons than just landing on plateaus all the time.
I'll let you chew on that for a while.
If you're gung ho! about pursuing excellence and mastery, then simply knowing that you will be "practicing" constantly, learning all the time, putting yourself out there routinely, measuring your skills against standards ... all that kind of thing. So we are once again reminded of Leonard's admonition that practice actually becomes the way life goes and will always go. If one actually arrives at mastery then the only option is to get back on that plateau.
Back to George Leonard (who by the way was a 6th degree Aikido black belt, top gun, and much more ... he died recently in his mid-'90's after still practicing Aikido at age 93).
"[L]ifelong learning is the special province of those who travel the path of mastery, the path that never ends."
"Over the long haul, there nothing like the path of mastery to lead you to an energetic life. A regular practice not only elicits energy but tames it.... On the master's journey, you can learn to put things in perspective, to keep the flow of energy going during low moments as well as high."
I hope you found the experience and wisdom of George Leonard inspiring and important.
From Mastery, Chapter 10...
"You resolve to make a change for the better in your life. It could be any significant change, but let's say it involves getting on the path of mastery, developing a regular practice. You tell your friends about it. You put your resolution in writing. You actually make the change. It works. It feels good. You're happy about it. Your friends are happy about it. Your life is better.
"Then you backslide."
What's this have to do with you? I find as I mentor and assessor coaches at all levels, that exam failure is the big backslide for some aspiring coaches. If not even taking the credentialing exam is the result of not wanting to fail ... or backslide ... then the road to mastery for you will be rather challenging for other reasons than just landing on plateaus all the time.
I'll let you chew on that for a while.
If you're gung ho! about pursuing excellence and mastery, then simply knowing that you will be "practicing" constantly, learning all the time, putting yourself out there routinely, measuring your skills against standards ... all that kind of thing. So we are once again reminded of Leonard's admonition that practice actually becomes the way life goes and will always go. If one actually arrives at mastery then the only option is to get back on that plateau.
Back to George Leonard (who by the way was a 6th degree Aikido black belt, top gun, and much more ... he died recently in his mid-'90's after still practicing Aikido at age 93).
"[L]ifelong learning is the special province of those who travel the path of mastery, the path that never ends."
"Over the long haul, there nothing like the path of mastery to lead you to an energetic life. A regular practice not only elicits energy but tames it.... On the master's journey, you can learn to put things in perspective, to keep the flow of energy going during low moments as well as high."
I hope you found the experience and wisdom of George Leonard inspiring and important.
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