Words to the Wise

Haven’t blogged lately have I?

Been active as an ICF Assessor for many exams.  Just a few words to the wise …

1.     If you say your session is 30 minutes (because you were told to say that and it’s actually a great idea to keep it at that), don’t take 45-60 minutes and ignore it like you never made that agreement.  (Bad for your score).

2.       Most coaches completely forget about or misunderstand the Accountability/Managing Progress competency.  It’s not about the coach’s willingness to have another session; it’s about the client creating these structures for success whether or not they involve the coach.  It’s also not a good idea to skip this one altogether; plays havoc with your score.

3.    All the MCC-level scores I’ve given coincidentally were for sessions that lasted no more than 30 minutes (score wasn’t given + or – for that¸ however).  It’s about asking questions that are direct and clear, keeping the session to a very clear agenda, being authentically present and connected to your client – and there’s even time to deal with underlying issues that are overwhelmingly more important than 3 actions by next Tuesday.  It’s a non-linear process and authentic partnership.

4.    If you are following a script learned long ago or recently, it’s time to become a coach and not just do coaching.  Formulaic coaching shows glaringly.   Here is my favorite formulaic phrase:

“What I hear (am hearing, heard) you say …”   Try listening to that being said over and over again in one session!  (Not good for your score.)  The word “So” is used so often I gave up worrying about it … but’s it still a habit that isn’t necessary. 

And please listen to your recording before you submit it.  Really.  It’s a very important part of your professional development.  Please treat the process professionally.

Hope my few insights will point you in the direction of success.  Good luck!!

A Great Way to Learn a Key Coaching Core Competency

Listen to interviewers on television or over the radio. 

Irrespective of the subject matter of the interview, see if you can identify what makes a great interviewer or one not so gifted.   Bearing in mind that interviewing on television or radio is not coaching, neither is it intended to be, there are important similarities to what we coaches know as Powerful Questioning.

·         Great interviewers connect with each guest, ask brief relevant questions, allow guest to speak much more than interviewer, and of course, listen to what is said and unsaid. Powerful Questions are the norm.

·         Not-So-Great interviewers tend to dress up their questions with their own opinions, research, knowledge, extra words, and egos.  Powerful Questions are rare indeed.

 Those of us who listen to many people coach (via exam recordings) bear witness to the large number of coaches who truly do not know what a Powerful Question actually is, how it is sourced, why it works, and what is sounds like.

 Examples that fit both interviewers and coaches:

“What happened?”

“Is this a topic we should talk about?”

“What do you think will happen next?”

“How did you feel about it?”

“Is there a lesson to be learned from this event?”

“What has fame brought you?”

Unpleasant Moments

I was at a conference in Europe donating some time to coach attendees when I was mercilessly chastised by a new coach for being 5 minutes late to her appointment time.  The coach went on to further anoint me with how MCC's are supposed to set an example for perfection.  What I did was spend the agreed time with her, listening the entire 30 minutes to a diatribe that was rather personal.

No further details are needed but it was rather unpleasant. 

Why do I relate this story?  Well, we coaches (regardless of credential or time in the profession) have moments when we mess up or demonstrate we are not perfect.  Those unpleasant moments show up when we least want them around.

How does a coach handle stress, a missed appointment, trouble with travel, etc. without hurting the coach-client relationship or agreements of a contract?

You no doubt have had these occasions as have I.  There are many words and actions to take (becoming centered, clearing the clearing, deep breathing, exercise, truthful postponement of the session, and so on).  What matters is that you and I know when we must ... must ... acknowledge these moments of life and deal with them effectively. 

Denial is still a river in Egypt and not too helpful when professional choices must be made.

Generally, I do not care to use words like 'must', 'should', 'ought' ... words with morality taints to them and directives (we all dislike those).  Here it's essential to step forth, recognize the situation, deal with it and move on.  I like 'essential' a bit more.

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Becoming Enmeshed in the Story

I often speak of the power of stories.  Whether 10 words or 100, story is an account (usually 1^st person) that is told for the purpose of being heard.  In coaching the “purpose of being heard” is the idea contained within the story.  When a client hears a story from the coach who is not attached to any particular response from the client, the client is free to grasp from the story whatever there is to grasp. 

Stories enliven a conversation … not long stories, not stories to prove something or be directive… but stories that somehow seem appropriate in the moment and simply appear seemingly from nowhere.  There is nothing inauthentic about a story … it is always the real deal … even when a name or organization cannot be mentioned.

There is an underside to storytelling that must be discerned.

It is easy to become enmeshed (entangled) within a story as it is told.  `Enmeshed` can become rather complicated as it`s not empathy although it can be sympathy wherein coach identifies strongly with the situation.

When coach and client become enmeshed in one another`s story the following can happen:

-          Coach ceases to be a partner and instead joins on the side of the client or situation

-          Client no longer has someone to listen without attachment or agenda (destroys the coach-client relationship)

-          Story can become a directive telling client how to behave or what to do

-          Coach asks informational questions far more often than helpful

 What do you think happens when coach becomes enmeshed in client`s story or expects client to become enmeshed in coach`s story?

Giving Of Oneself Without Giving Oneself Away

Listening to one of the most lovely and technically perfect coaching conversations I’ve ever heard (and I hear a lot of them), gives me an entirely new concept of what is possible in this most wonderful of professions.

First, Coach had long ago mastered the structure of the coaching conversation.  All was natural for her with no attention whatsoever on herself.  All the competencies were there.

Coach accepted her client as whole, complete, and worthy of Coach’s trust.  The trust and intimacy was paramount and stunningly moving.  Yet, Coach never became attached to client’s story even as she brilliantly reframed it as needed.

What followed were the natural outcomes from the coaching structure: clear agenda, full trust and intimacy … then coaching presence, listening, perfect powerful questions … well, all of it.

Coach took no more than 30 minutes during which time she explored what her client wanted to do, find, experience about a part of her life.  Once again, there was no attention on what Coach wanted although Coach found it necessary to take a risk and “walk her client to the edge” where she (client) could make a decision to go forward.  Coach was brilliant, kind, caring and unyieldingly committed to her client finding a way. 

Responses

Your client or my client says something that may be quite exhaustive or very brief.  As the comment ends there are responses from us that may be helpful or not.

Example from a client …”That’s what happened today with my team.  I was so upset I couldn’t even respond.  I’d like to figure out what to do now.”

Not-too-uncommon response from the Coach: “Okay. What exactly happened and how did you handle it at the time?  Have you ever experienced that in the past and if so how did you handle it?  Is this what you want us to talk about today?”

My comment on this kind of response:  It’s very common to hear a throw-away immediate response such as “okay” (meaning what, I ask?). It’s also very common for the responding coach to dig for more information (I suppose in lieu of a powerful question … just ask for more info).  What is the hurry?  Is it your desire to figure out the answer for your client?  Are you uncomfortable with the situation because of … any number of reasons?  oHoHhh Were you taught to move quickly to actions and results?

What if instead of complicating the situation for yourself and your client you took a single deep breath (requiring a brief moment of silence) and asked a powerful question or made a powerful comment such as:

                “What do you want me to know about this?”

There’s more to “this” of course, but there are some practices that I hear often with all the exams I listen to. 

First, many coaches have a standard response to everything their client says the most common being an immediate “okay.”  Now the word ‘okay’ just might ultimately imply some level of approval (what for is usually not clear).  After 30-45 minutes of `okay` the routine has become formulaic.  You don`t want that, ever. 

Do you have an automatic response of which you may not be aware? Record your conversations and either check them out yourself (I highly recommend this) and/or have your mentor coach listen and give feedback.

Second, complex questions often signal confusion for the client.  This kind of question or response likely reflects the coach`s discomfort and can easily lead to a very superficial conversation that is more coach-centered than client-centered.  Solution: never ask complex questions (i.e. those with two or more subjects that are often, but not necessarily, connected by `and, but, yet, such as` … etc.).

Taking a moment to breathe and allow your client space to complete their comment … perhaps to even continue it (without your interruption) will greatly enhance the quality of your coaching.

Question for each of us: How might you or I respond to a client without having it become formulaic?  And, by the way, ‘okay’ is perfectly okay for thoughtful use as are a whole host of possible responses that encourage trust, intimacy, curiosity, and support coaching presence.

Adults as Learners

Been reading up on adult learning.  Surely we can agree that understanding how adults learn is an important element in learning how to coach and engage our clients.  My take on all of that is from my own experience as well as from published research.  Adults bring all of our decisions, life experience, obligations, and desires into our life-long learning.  Sometimes that learning becomes formal (with classes and tuition and degrees). 

So it is with coach training.  Unless you were a child prodigy you began and completed your coach training (or any other kind of training) as an adult at some age or other (I did a lot of the 'other') over my long adult learning career.

For anyone reading this blog who is not already, or going to be, a professional coach, just substitute your desired outcome and it all applies equally.  My most important education began at age 30 and continued for a couple of decades, culminating in teaching what I had learned (ergo, it never stopped).  Always a good student, I had a different motivation: I liked learning, did my assignments, stayed interested and knew I was going somewhere.  Somehow that was different from my youthful obsession with getting the grade A for everything.

Trust

Quite often I am asked “What do you hear or experience in an ICF credential exam?”
 
That’s a rather involved question or should I say … the answer can be rather complex.

Have you ever used the phrase “I could hear the wheels turning” when someone with whom you are in conversation is thinking about something or other that doesn’t involve you? If you have, you’re on your way to understanding what I experience.

Newer coaches who still need lots of skillful practice (not just any ol’ practice), are still working from a script … the script they learned in a particular coach training program. That’s to be expected, absolutely.

As a practiced listener of coaches at work (exam or mentoring), I can hear the script. Most coaches rely on a particular approach that they’ve practiced somewhat or even a lot. This would define the ACC candidate most definitely and very often the PCC candidate. Unfortunately, it also defines some MCC candidates which just might account for the high failure rate.

The missing piece with coaches who rely on a “formula” type approach to their coaching is trust. Remember, there is a competency called Trust and Intimacy.

To get to the heart of the matter we first must look at trust in all of its facets. A coach who is on the road to mastery …

Trusts the coaching process;Trusts and respects each client as whole and complete;
Trusts their own ability to serve their client with competence and integrity;
Trusts each client to choose what is best for client during the conversation.

What would you like to add to this list?

From my perspective, trust comes first, then intimacy (or closeness). It’s just the way of things.

Coaching Via Other Domains

Other Domains

Those of us who deal with top performers (including athletes as well as CEO’s) can benefit from the ideas of experts in fields other than our own.

Connecting ideas from differing domains (fields) is an activity of the best coaches I hear … as I listen to lots of recordings from really struggling to accomplished masters.  Call it what you wish but connecting by means of story, metaphor and analogy has major impact on another person as long as there is no attachment by the coach to what the client thinks or does about it.

Recently, I completed Jim Collins’ new tome: Great By Choice (an awesome title). Collins is heavy into research (as exhibited by Good To Great) which approach pleases me no end (of course).  Comparisons always make it with a visual learner like me.

This brief blog is not about the book or the research … it’s about impact, impact on a client’s thinking and acting from the point-of-view of an entirely different domain.  Who wouldn’t want to be great; who wouldn’t want that to be by choice? 

Something About Organization Coaching

While listening to the genius music of Pink Floyd after viewing their bio on the Biography Channel, it occurred to me there are some aspects to organization culture that need bold thinking.

It's not unusual to assume that a smoothly operating organization culture is important to maintain. I was even thinking that coaching could help that along ... you know, by fitting in and smoothly supporting the status quo.

Whoa! In the world of the arts, it's darn unusual for the greatest works to be "smoothly" created (or any number of words that say the same thing). I like to use metaphors to gain understanding ... e.g. relating business to art. I don't see or imagine anything about creativity that could be smooth, without challenges and obstacles. It's asking a lot of the creative process to be ordinary.

Ergo, the great works of art (you pick your favorites) took something special to create. Even the tiniest of ideas can be difficult to bring to life. Yet, you and I do this all this time or a lot of the time.

What  does that have to do with coaching? Well, I'm not sure at this point. Suffice to say, I have the idea that an extraordinary company as with an extraordinary work of art, will tolerate and accept the struggle of creative thinking.

Building the Foundation

Been reading science articles.

There’s no intention for me to become an expert in order to coach scientists.  What I am learning is how to think about the future.  If coaching is a “future focused” profession, does this not make sense?

If you follow my Tweets you will have regular ReTweets that come from NASA and other science-oriented websites.  Today, for instance, I sent my grandson two articles: one about the solar coronal mapping process, the other about a way to picture quantum physics.  So, hey!  If I can learn from these, why not you?

What I learn from the articles and studies:

1.       Simplicity is where it’s at.

2.       Color and other visual aids are immensely helpful.

3.       The universe is beyond fascinating.

The first one is ‘simplicity.’  Over the many years I’ve been coaching, one thing I learned pretty early on is that coaching is not complicated … people are … but coaching per se is not. 

Think of it … eleven core competencies (should be only 9 but that’s covered in prior blogs) is a pretty simple list to learn and then utilize as the background foundation of every coaching conversation.  My favorite analogy for this is best demonstrated by the building of a house:  generally speaking you and I don’t see the foundation and the internal structure at all. The purpose of a house is to safely house the person(s) living there.  Oh sure, in my house there is a plethora of art work (sort of like my stories when coaching) and a lot of my own design … always mindful of the structure that makes it all happen.

Well, that’s it for now.  Have not been blogging as of late; working to secure a new life here in Canada seems to be the order of the day.  That is going well.  Oh, I am writing a book but at every turn I find other areas to include or at least learn about.  Guess you know I am a non-linear thinker with interests all over the place.  So be it.

The Fine Art of Letting Your Client Do the Work

I often hear the interpretation of a coach’s support of a client and client’s goals/objectives/and aspirations go frankly way overboard.  Here’s an example:
“I’m so thrilled to hear you’re taking that assignment. What an inspiration you are for us all. I know you’ll be successful. I’ll work with you to make that happen. Here are some of my ideas.”

Whoops! Who is talking about whom? The coach immediately (it seems) has taken on her client’s achievement as if coach’s own in some way. Does this not take away from client being the center of the coaching conversation?

Other ways a coach can go overboard in support:

• Being Directive. Coach giving instructions to client as to how to do/achieve/view some idea or another. As an evaluator I hear coaches who are anxious to ensure client success by giving helpful suggestions. So often this is way too much and not in the relationship of partners exploring options.
• Effusive Cheerleading. Coach uses words like “great!!” (with much emphasis). I often hear this kind of reaction becoming a catalyst for coach shifting to coach’s point of view which may not be what client is experiencing.
• No Acknowledgement. “Stepping Over the Obvious” is never an effective reaction to something that has happened, is happening or is important to client for some reason.

How does a coach support his/her client without making it about the coach?  Well, here are a few ideas for starters. My language may not be yours. The relationship of coach to client also determines how a coach approaches this kind of moment.

“Congratulations! I hear excitement in your voice.” (let client describe his/her own feelings)

“Here’s a high-five! What would you like me to know about your achievement?” (discover the underlying thoughts, ideas, emotions the client is experiencing)

“You worked very hard to reach this goal. I’m so pleased for you.” (adds just a personal touch to the coach/client relationship as it is at this point)

“Congratulations! What do you see now going forward?” (moving the conversation along)

Right now I’m doing research and writing about coaching.

The Natural Laws of Business

While I rushed to blog in January, February just flew by (well, there were after all fewer days).

I'm re-reading Richard Koch's The Natural Laws of Business. This time I'm seeking to figure out how to discuss these laws and their relevance and relationship to coaching and the business of coaching. 

When I taught Behavioral Science in grad school, I used this work as my text during a semester until my program chair asked me to teach with a more traditional text next time around. I'll always remember how much my students enjoyed Koch's work. I recall the energy they showed as they developed amazing ideas that were generated from his theses.

Well, as the "winter that wasn't" moves on, I'm enjoying the birds, squirrels and trees that are heavily involved in an early springtime.

Developing a Coaching Culture in an Organization

It occured to me today that I should not let January 2012 go flying by as if it didn't exist, which it surely does.  And I am not referring to the upcoming, in process U.S. election stuff.

I've been thinking about what it takes to build a "coaching culture" in an organization that becomes more than an idea of the moment. Here's a start ... with ideas most definitely welcomed.

1. It takes a commitment to coaching beyond it being just another good idea;
2. It takes experience with the effects and impact of coaching on at least one group in the organization (as opposed to one person);
3. It takes a financial commitment that is realistic and well-conceived;
4. It takes a way to measure the effectiveness of coaching over time;
5. It takes a realistic approach to what coaching can help an organization accomplish;
6. I would guess it takes having an annual evaluation of the impact of coaching that can solidify a commitment over time and change.
7. It surely takes an organized approach to the whole process: who gets a coach being the primary decision (aside from budget considerations);
8. It takes an understanding of the coaching process, what to expect and not expect from coaching, and what standards need to be adopted, especially with regard to the coaches who are engaged.

I know  there are more ideas to develop as I prepare a webinar for an organization on this very topic. 

What is your experience?

Spontaneity in a Coaching Conversation

Essential to the effectiveness of a coaching conversation is the capacity of the coach to be fully present throughout the session.

That sounds so basic, so simple, so obvious.

It isn’t any of those.

Coaching Presence will likely occupy my blog and other work for as long as there are coaches … which I hope will be forever.

In this brief blog I will talk about spontaneity … one of the criteria to describing and recognizing this core competency (Coaching Presence) in use … or missing … as the case may be.

Think of it this way: responding in the moment to what your client just said is the perfect spontaneous expression of being fully present. It’s not possible to plan for a spontaneous moment. It’s only possible to respond to it. Given the coaching subject matter (client’s agenda or agreement) does not belong to the coach, there seems to be no purpose in being other than spontaneous.

When listening to a coach in a session, it’s clear and obvious when the coach is drawing ideas from his/her (coach’s) own ideas, thoughts, suggestions, references, directions, and expertise. There’s simply nothing spontaneous going on.

Think about it. I call it “being in your head” irrespective of what’s going on with your client.

More on this.

Friends, Family and Other Victims: Learning On the Job

New coaches who have ever worked with me are familiar with the words in the title above.
To begin, I’m reminded always of Aristotle’s immortal admonition: “Before we can learn to do something we first must go out and do it.”

Aw, that’s not fair. Why can’t I learn to coach from classes and books and workshops and conferences?

My instructor is challenging me to get my first 5 clients! How can I go out and represent myself as a “coach” when I’m not a coach yet? OMG

Well, here are your instructions: tell your new “clients” that you are new to the profession and would like to practice your new techniques with them. Tell the truth. You might have very willing friends (colleagues) from work, or family members, or “other victims” as I laughingly put it. After all, you bring the you of all your life into this endeavor; that’s worth a lot.

Let’s face it, no practice, no learning.

When I think of my first clients I must simply laugh and wonder why anyone ever paid me (after several hundred hours of pro bono work before that 1st check). But they did and I learned. This was way back before ICF Core Competencies … no books, no conferences, only learning on the job.

A little hint from me: I was a consultant at the same time I was learning to be a coach. I had coaching clients and consulting clients … two different groups entirely. Some little bird told me to do that and am I ever glad I did.

Enjoy the journey!

An Open Mind

I reviewed Alvin Toffler’s predictions regarding the future. If you read The Third Wave within the past 40 years you might be interested in taking a look ahead to the Fourth Wave. (“40 for the Next 40” http://www.toffler.com/)

When I first read this document I thought: “same but more of it” … a thought I did not find on this reading. It’s essential to tie the future to the past as a continuum or just as a subject list. It’s equally important to look at these 40 predictions with as open a mind as possible … though that’s not always easy to do.

Why talk about Toffler in a blog about coaching? After all, we coaches are not supposed to deal with other than the present. Haven’t I blogged incessantly about Coaching Presence?

Okay. There is a difference between the coaching conversation itself and the world at large. Agree? When listening to our clients we stay present to what’s being said in that moment and respond to what the client says (as opposed to the voice in our heads).

In this blog I speak of knowing what’s going on in the world and not of any particular opinion you or I might have about it. We coaches are not to be narrow in our knowledge of life and events.

Why not stay or become a broad learner with an open mind, an interested participant and a curious person?

Curious!!! There it is. ‘Curiosity’ simply must become the mindset of a coach. Whew! Thought I’d never get there.

Trust

Quite often I am asked “What do you hear or experience in an ICF credential exam?”

That’s a rather involved question or should I say … the answer can be rather complex.

Have you ever used the phrase “I could hear the wheels turning” when someone with whom you are in conversation is thinking about something or other that doesn’t involve you? If you have, you’re on your way to understanding what I experience.

Newer coaches who still need lots of skillful practice (not just any ol’ practice), are still working from a script … the script they learned in a particular coach training program. That’s to be expected, absolutely.

As a practiced listener of coaches at work (exam or mentoring), I can hear the script. Most coaches rely on a particular approach that they’ve practiced somewhat or even a lot. This would define the ACC candidate most definitely and very often the PCC candidate. Unfortunately, it also defines some MCC candidates which just might account for the high failure rate.

The missing piece with coaches who rely on a “formula” type approach to their coaching is trust. Remember, there is a competency called Trust and Intimacy.

To get to the heart of the matter we first must look at trust in all of its facets. A coach who is on the road to mastery …

Trusts the coaching process;

Trusts and respects each client as whole and complete;
Trusts their own ability to serve their client with competence and integrity;
Trusts each client to choose what is best for client during the conversation.

What would you like to add to this list?

From my perspective, trust comes first, then intimacy (or closeness). It’s just the way of things.

Taking Advantage of Every Opportunity

I was hemming some draperies tonight. I’ve done that before. In fact, I made lots of my clothes when I was in my teens.

If that’s not interesting enough, think of this: the practice of a competency is just about as thrilling.

It occurred to me as I threaded the needle several times that my focus on such a small item as a needle and thread plus the knot required undivided attention to my task. Just like practicing mastery (so says George Leonard in “Mastery”).

I’m going to take practicing at face value. Practicing is essential in order to become at least proficient (consciously competent) at anything. I recall the remark by a new skier who was struggling nearby in a skiing class (I was in the class, too). He remarked “You mean I have to LEARN to do this?” I smothered a smile and wondered where that all came from. I practiced every minute and it was thrilling.

Here’s the lesson my ski classmate didn’t have in mind: First learn what there is to learn and then go out and practice it.

Coaching is a way of being (curious) first and foremost. So, at every opportunity why not practice being curious. As I threaded that needle and stitched my way along a series of drapery panels, I began to look at the stitches I was making and how they looked on both sides. I watched how many threads I usually picked up with the needle going in and thought about how nice this would all look when finished. I became curious again when I wanted to stop doing this task and wondered if I would stay with it … I did but not without some gentle prodding from my curious self.

So those two hours of hemming were a moment of opportunity that I stole from my evening in order to practice the fine art of being curious. And the result was worth it!

Toronto Keynote

For some strange reason, I like public speaking. I've attempted to analyze why but give up. Suffice to say, when I know what I'm talking about it's a marvelous experience.  Of course, the operative idea here is "I know what I am talking about."  What that entails is a lot of first person experience. That's what it's been for me. I cannot imagine talking to an audience about something about which I know little or nothing ... that is, using the ideas of others.

Think about it. 

When you are speaking to one person or many, it's really easy to talk about what you know.  The only caveat here is that your audience (of one or many) wants to hear from you.

Oh.

That's the secret! Public speaking is making a subject compelling or relevant or important or fun or inspiring ... all, some, or just one of those will do.

Over the past 20+ years I've given many, many, many speeches ... some really fun and rewarding ... some near disasters ... some inspiring or compelling ... some maybe okay.  The deal is to get up there and risk it all.

The keynote I gave in Toronto last weekend (Oct 29) was quite a challenge.  For one thing, I had not spoken with the theme of that speech: rocket science and coaching.  It remained for me to connect the two and it took two-plus months to be able to do that (for my understanding much less sthe audience's understanding).  I knew I had a lots of first-person photos, first-person connection with projects, first-person coaching (duh), and experience relating coaching competencies to unusual and different metaphors.

Along the way I've been learning from the http://www.ted.com/ speakers: brief and brilliant.  I love PowerPoint but kept whittling down my slides to a slim 19 ... not many for a 60-minute talk.  Lessons learned like these are always important and will serve me as the future unfolds.

Oh yes, I met some terrific people at the conference, learned some things, and enjoyed my taxi journeys through Toronto ... a gorgeous city ... plus my beloved train rides to and from Toronto. 

That's about it.