Spontaneity in a Coaching Conversation

Essential to the effectiveness of a coaching conversation is the capacity of the coach to be fully present throughout the session.

That sounds so basic, so simple, so obvious.

It isn’t any of those.

Coaching Presence will likely occupy my blog and other work for as long as there are coaches … which I hope will be forever.

In this brief blog I will talk about spontaneity … one of the criteria to describing and recognizing this core competency (Coaching Presence) in use … or missing … as the case may be.

Think of it this way: responding in the moment to what your client just said is the perfect spontaneous expression of being fully present. It’s not possible to plan for a spontaneous moment. It’s only possible to respond to it. Given the coaching subject matter (client’s agenda or agreement) does not belong to the coach, there seems to be no purpose in being other than spontaneous.

When listening to a coach in a session, it’s clear and obvious when the coach is drawing ideas from his/her (coach’s) own ideas, thoughts, suggestions, references, directions, and expertise. There’s simply nothing spontaneous going on.

Think about it. I call it “being in your head” irrespective of what’s going on with your client.

More on this.

Friends, Family and Other Victims: Learning On the Job

New coaches who have ever worked with me are familiar with the words in the title above.
To begin, I’m reminded always of Aristotle’s immortal admonition: “Before we can learn to do something we first must go out and do it.”

Aw, that’s not fair. Why can’t I learn to coach from classes and books and workshops and conferences?

My instructor is challenging me to get my first 5 clients! How can I go out and represent myself as a “coach” when I’m not a coach yet? OMG

Well, here are your instructions: tell your new “clients” that you are new to the profession and would like to practice your new techniques with them. Tell the truth. You might have very willing friends (colleagues) from work, or family members, or “other victims” as I laughingly put it. After all, you bring the you of all your life into this endeavor; that’s worth a lot.

Let’s face it, no practice, no learning.

When I think of my first clients I must simply laugh and wonder why anyone ever paid me (after several hundred hours of pro bono work before that 1st check). But they did and I learned. This was way back before ICF Core Competencies … no books, no conferences, only learning on the job.

A little hint from me: I was a consultant at the same time I was learning to be a coach. I had coaching clients and consulting clients … two different groups entirely. Some little bird told me to do that and am I ever glad I did.

Enjoy the journey!

An Open Mind

I reviewed Alvin Toffler’s predictions regarding the future. If you read The Third Wave within the past 40 years you might be interested in taking a look ahead to the Fourth Wave. (“40 for the Next 40” http://www.toffler.com/)

When I first read this document I thought: “same but more of it” … a thought I did not find on this reading. It’s essential to tie the future to the past as a continuum or just as a subject list. It’s equally important to look at these 40 predictions with as open a mind as possible … though that’s not always easy to do.

Why talk about Toffler in a blog about coaching? After all, we coaches are not supposed to deal with other than the present. Haven’t I blogged incessantly about Coaching Presence?

Okay. There is a difference between the coaching conversation itself and the world at large. Agree? When listening to our clients we stay present to what’s being said in that moment and respond to what the client says (as opposed to the voice in our heads).

In this blog I speak of knowing what’s going on in the world and not of any particular opinion you or I might have about it. We coaches are not to be narrow in our knowledge of life and events.

Why not stay or become a broad learner with an open mind, an interested participant and a curious person?

Curious!!! There it is. ‘Curiosity’ simply must become the mindset of a coach. Whew! Thought I’d never get there.

Trust

Quite often I am asked “What do you hear or experience in an ICF credential exam?”

That’s a rather involved question or should I say … the answer can be rather complex.

Have you ever used the phrase “I could hear the wheels turning” when someone with whom you are in conversation is thinking about something or other that doesn’t involve you? If you have, you’re on your way to understanding what I experience.

Newer coaches who still need lots of skillful practice (not just any ol’ practice), are still working from a script … the script they learned in a particular coach training program. That’s to be expected, absolutely.

As a practiced listener of coaches at work (exam or mentoring), I can hear the script. Most coaches rely on a particular approach that they’ve practiced somewhat or even a lot. This would define the ACC candidate most definitely and very often the PCC candidate. Unfortunately, it also defines some MCC candidates which just might account for the high failure rate.

The missing piece with coaches who rely on a “formula” type approach to their coaching is trust. Remember, there is a competency called Trust and Intimacy.

To get to the heart of the matter we first must look at trust in all of its facets. A coach who is on the road to mastery …

Trusts the coaching process;

Trusts and respects each client as whole and complete;
Trusts their own ability to serve their client with competence and integrity;
Trusts each client to choose what is best for client during the conversation.

What would you like to add to this list?

From my perspective, trust comes first, then intimacy (or closeness). It’s just the way of things.

Taking Advantage of Every Opportunity

I was hemming some draperies tonight. I’ve done that before. In fact, I made lots of my clothes when I was in my teens.

If that’s not interesting enough, think of this: the practice of a competency is just about as thrilling.

It occurred to me as I threaded the needle several times that my focus on such a small item as a needle and thread plus the knot required undivided attention to my task. Just like practicing mastery (so says George Leonard in “Mastery”).

I’m going to take practicing at face value. Practicing is essential in order to become at least proficient (consciously competent) at anything. I recall the remark by a new skier who was struggling nearby in a skiing class (I was in the class, too). He remarked “You mean I have to LEARN to do this?” I smothered a smile and wondered where that all came from. I practiced every minute and it was thrilling.

Here’s the lesson my ski classmate didn’t have in mind: First learn what there is to learn and then go out and practice it.

Coaching is a way of being (curious) first and foremost. So, at every opportunity why not practice being curious. As I threaded that needle and stitched my way along a series of drapery panels, I began to look at the stitches I was making and how they looked on both sides. I watched how many threads I usually picked up with the needle going in and thought about how nice this would all look when finished. I became curious again when I wanted to stop doing this task and wondered if I would stay with it … I did but not without some gentle prodding from my curious self.

So those two hours of hemming were a moment of opportunity that I stole from my evening in order to practice the fine art of being curious. And the result was worth it!

Toronto Keynote

For some strange reason, I like public speaking. I've attempted to analyze why but give up. Suffice to say, when I know what I'm talking about it's a marvelous experience.  Of course, the operative idea here is "I know what I am talking about."  What that entails is a lot of first person experience. That's what it's been for me. I cannot imagine talking to an audience about something about which I know little or nothing ... that is, using the ideas of others.

Think about it. 

When you are speaking to one person or many, it's really easy to talk about what you know.  The only caveat here is that your audience (of one or many) wants to hear from you.

Oh.

That's the secret! Public speaking is making a subject compelling or relevant or important or fun or inspiring ... all, some, or just one of those will do.

Over the past 20+ years I've given many, many, many speeches ... some really fun and rewarding ... some near disasters ... some inspiring or compelling ... some maybe okay.  The deal is to get up there and risk it all.

The keynote I gave in Toronto last weekend (Oct 29) was quite a challenge.  For one thing, I had not spoken with the theme of that speech: rocket science and coaching.  It remained for me to connect the two and it took two-plus months to be able to do that (for my understanding much less sthe audience's understanding).  I knew I had a lots of first-person photos, first-person connection with projects, first-person coaching (duh), and experience relating coaching competencies to unusual and different metaphors.

Along the way I've been learning from the http://www.ted.com/ speakers: brief and brilliant.  I love PowerPoint but kept whittling down my slides to a slim 19 ... not many for a 60-minute talk.  Lessons learned like these are always important and will serve me as the future unfolds.

Oh yes, I met some terrific people at the conference, learned some things, and enjoyed my taxi journeys through Toronto ... a gorgeous city ... plus my beloved train rides to and from Toronto. 

That's about it.

Creativity is Just Connecting Things

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.”… Steve Jobs (Apple)


Maybe your mind works as a connecting machine the way mine does. I see, I hear, I feel, I touch, I sense … you know all those things that we humans do. Each action brings forth a connection with something or some event that happened sometime …perhaps a minute ago or “back in the day.”

Is that your way of thinking and processing? Each of us tends to believe that most people process the world in the same way even though we know that’s not so. Even imagining others just might be the same as ourselves interferes with our work as coaches just as soon as we think that’s how things are.

Steve Jobs built Apple, Inc. into one of the world’s greatest companies. I’m not here to judge or even describe how Apple works, suffice to say it’s a highly creative company developed by a person who could connect something with something and make a bit of magic out of doing that.

My experience is that one can learn something new or newly described from just about anywhere. In this case, I’m looking at how all of this relates to coaching.

I’m giving a keynote address to a conference in Toronto at the end of October. My charge is to connect Rocket Science with …well, just about anything else … in this case, coaching.

Instead of assuming anything about how you and I learn, I went consciously into idea mode … taking over two months to figure it out. Of course, nothing is ever figured out completely so I just must go with my intuition this time.

One can and does learn from rocket scientists and engineers. It’s just a matter of communicating what that is.