Annoyances (for the most part) are particularly annoying. In high level professional coaching, annoyances can be particularly damaging.
In order to be fully present to another person, whether as a coach or not, one is called forth to let annoyances exist without distracting from the task at hand.
What's an annoyance? Well, let me make up my own definition ... as I do often. Annoyances are anything that may get in the way of doing something more important.
For example, a client calls and expects me to be "there" and ready to help him/her deal with some issue or another. My office is particularly warm that day and my ceiling fan is not working. Of course I am annoyed and wondering who needs to come and repair it. My client is on the phone.
One of the skills of a truly professional coach is the competency "Coaching Presence" wherein the annoyance disappears and is not a factor at anytime in the conversation (even a warm room and non-functioning ceiling fan). What I mean by 'a factor' doesn't mean to imply it's not there. It's just not a player in the coaching relationship.
Have you ever had a coaching conversation only to discover at its conclusion that you don't recall even sitting in a chair or feeling the ambient temperature in the room? This is what is meant by being fully present. It's one thing to be present (such as I am 'here') and another to be completely captured within the conversation (fully present).
It's pretty cool to experience it.
Here's how it shows up in your coaching skill set: you're not in your head and preoccupied with what you think, judge or know. You are instead completely engaged in service of your client and what's on your client's mind or the session. You have no notes to take (except maybe for the very first session), no pre-conceived ideas about the situation, no ready-made stories to tell, no goal for the client. What you are doing when fully present is listening for what is being said, hearing what is not said, being authentic and honest, and fully supporting your client's unique and special self-expression.
Annoyances never again interfere. They just are.
Takes a bit of practice. It's worth the journey.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Fine Technical Points of Coaching
It's interesting and helpful to discuss fine technical points of a coaching conversation. Yes, there are technical points in a coaching conversation ... trust me there are.
After a couple hundred exams, I may be getting the essence of why and how a coach surpasses basic and often secure coaching competence eventually to reach the next level we call mastery (in the ICF). What's interesting is that this "fine technical" move is palpable ... it's clear, it's wonderful, it's simply amazing. As a client in the exam process, from time to time I have the honor to be heard at a profound level by a coach and to get the full measure of someone else's ability to listen to me that way.
Oh my! It takes one's breath away.
Coaches who have the ability to connect so profoundly with another person just may be gifted that way. I say that because I'm recalling an ACC exam that I scored in the mastery range; he had slightly more than 100 coaching hours at that point.
However, I rather think it's possible to guide a highly competent coach to yet another level. Just as in a coaching conversation, the partnership of the mentor and the coach client is the dominant reason it has even a possibility of working well.
As coaches we frequently encounter the "need to be perfect" or "I'm not good enough, yet" behavior set that provides plenty of food for struggle and angst (for both client and coach).
Over many years I've come to the realization that these two "life scripts" are serious impediments to surpassing functional high competence in a profession such as coaching.
Musing about all of this has one go straight to the concept of 'art' ... fine coaching is an art. Art is in the eye (ear, mind, heart, soul) of the beholder. When I behold fine (masterful) coaching my whole being is impacted.
That's worth everything.
After a couple hundred exams, I may be getting the essence of why and how a coach surpasses basic and often secure coaching competence eventually to reach the next level we call mastery (in the ICF). What's interesting is that this "fine technical" move is palpable ... it's clear, it's wonderful, it's simply amazing. As a client in the exam process, from time to time I have the honor to be heard at a profound level by a coach and to get the full measure of someone else's ability to listen to me that way.
Oh my! It takes one's breath away.
Coaches who have the ability to connect so profoundly with another person just may be gifted that way. I say that because I'm recalling an ACC exam that I scored in the mastery range; he had slightly more than 100 coaching hours at that point.
However, I rather think it's possible to guide a highly competent coach to yet another level. Just as in a coaching conversation, the partnership of the mentor and the coach client is the dominant reason it has even a possibility of working well.
As coaches we frequently encounter the "need to be perfect" or "I'm not good enough, yet" behavior set that provides plenty of food for struggle and angst (for both client and coach).
Over many years I've come to the realization that these two "life scripts" are serious impediments to surpassing functional high competence in a profession such as coaching.
Musing about all of this has one go straight to the concept of 'art' ... fine coaching is an art. Art is in the eye (ear, mind, heart, soul) of the beholder. When I behold fine (masterful) coaching my whole being is impacted.
That's worth everything.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Annoyances
Lost all my graphics suddenly. Cannot seem to figure out what happened and why. Guess it's time for a computer guru overhaul. LOL It's the way of PC's isn't it?
Events like this are food for a conversation on coach self-management or maybe more broadly ... annoyances. My clients are not going to be the "beneficiaries" of technical glitches. This one, however, is not that important ... just annoying. But then, annoyances can be subtle interferences with being "fully present." Is it that way for you?
Good subjects for us all.
Events like this are food for a conversation on coach self-management or maybe more broadly ... annoyances. My clients are not going to be the "beneficiaries" of technical glitches. This one, however, is not that important ... just annoying. But then, annoyances can be subtle interferences with being "fully present." Is it that way for you?
Good subjects for us all.
Friday, August 12, 2011
More Thoughts About Inspiration
No long dissertation today.
Just watched Il Divo --- 4 tenors singing Amazing Grace --- via YouTube. This is a pathway to inspiration. For me, that which "breathes life into me" is found wherever people, animals and nature are giving it away. Inspiration cannot be contrived, faked or made up. Inspiration simply is what it is. I get it or I don't.
In coaching it's found in 'presence' (being truly present to and connected with ... another). When I'm "in my head" I cannot be present. When my thoughts wander, I cannot be present. When I'm thinking about what I will say or do, I cannot be present. When whatever is going on is all about me, I cannot be present. When I am not present, I am no gift for another person.
This is what I wanted to say today.
Just watched Il Divo --- 4 tenors singing Amazing Grace --- via YouTube. This is a pathway to inspiration. For me, that which "breathes life into me" is found wherever people, animals and nature are giving it away. Inspiration cannot be contrived, faked or made up. Inspiration simply is what it is. I get it or I don't.
In coaching it's found in 'presence' (being truly present to and connected with ... another). When I'm "in my head" I cannot be present. When my thoughts wander, I cannot be present. When I'm thinking about what I will say or do, I cannot be present. When whatever is going on is all about me, I cannot be present. When I am not present, I am no gift for another person.
This is what I wanted to say today.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Inspiration
Inspire: To breathe life into.
Pretty daunting, if you think about it.
One of my clients has as a primary goal to become more inspiring. He’s in a leadership development phase of his career. We all know that an essential skill of a successful leader is the ability to inspire others. Thus, it’s truly important in that context. Who would willingly follow a leader who is not inspiring?
The question for coaching is this: Does a coach need to be inspiring in order to coach? Think about it. What would that look or sound like? Is it our role to “breathe life into a client?”
When using the words ‘inspire’ ‘inspiring’ ‘inspiration’ are we coaches just tossing around words to sound knowledgeable? Or are we truly dealing in the business of having people take on becoming more inspiring? Or is it something in between that we have no role in?
Each of us can point to someone who is inspiring. There are the famous, global figures who inspired legions to follow them. There might be someone who individually inspires you. No doubt about it. We do know what this is. I’ve even been inspired by a race horse named Zenyatta (see my blog about her).
Another question might be: “Is working on becoming inspiring a logical goal that can be quantified and measured?” Perhaps it’s some other kind of goal or outcome. If and when I am inspired, does that give me extra mojo to get things done? Is it even about "doing" something? Where does inspiration come into the picture, anyway?
I’m working on a keynote address. What exactly is my goal with it? Do I inspire the audience for that day only? Do I take the longer view? Can I even do any of that? Here's a question of myself: am I truly confident enough to give up on trying to be inspiring and just be authentic … letting the results fall as they may?
Perhaps inspiration is simply in the heart and soul of each person (just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder). If you and I are ready to have “life breathed into us by another” then perhaps we are open to be inspired. That may be all there is to that!
So where does that leave the coach? My take is “probably right in the role of coach where each of us belongs.”
Pretty daunting, if you think about it.
One of my clients has as a primary goal to become more inspiring. He’s in a leadership development phase of his career. We all know that an essential skill of a successful leader is the ability to inspire others. Thus, it’s truly important in that context. Who would willingly follow a leader who is not inspiring?
The question for coaching is this: Does a coach need to be inspiring in order to coach? Think about it. What would that look or sound like? Is it our role to “breathe life into a client?”When using the words ‘inspire’ ‘inspiring’ ‘inspiration’ are we coaches just tossing around words to sound knowledgeable? Or are we truly dealing in the business of having people take on becoming more inspiring? Or is it something in between that we have no role in?
Each of us can point to someone who is inspiring. There are the famous, global figures who inspired legions to follow them. There might be someone who individually inspires you. No doubt about it. We do know what this is. I’ve even been inspired by a race horse named Zenyatta (see my blog about her).
Another question might be: “Is working on becoming inspiring a logical goal that can be quantified and measured?” Perhaps it’s some other kind of goal or outcome. If and when I am inspired, does that give me extra mojo to get things done? Is it even about "doing" something? Where does inspiration come into the picture, anyway?
I’m working on a keynote address. What exactly is my goal with it? Do I inspire the audience for that day only? Do I take the longer view? Can I even do any of that? Here's a question of myself: am I truly confident enough to give up on trying to be inspiring and just be authentic … letting the results fall as they may?
Perhaps inspiration is simply in the heart and soul of each person (just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder). If you and I are ready to have “life breathed into us by another” then perhaps we are open to be inspired. That may be all there is to that!
So where does that leave the coach? My take is “probably right in the role of coach where each of us belongs.”
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Lessons from a Cat on How to Behave as a Coach
Getting ready to become an ex-pat by moving from the U.S. to Canada was a challenge for everyone involved: myself and my cat. Well, she didn’t comment too often.
I was thinking about this and how the experience of my cat would benefit me as a coach.
Before you LOL too much …
First of all, my kitty is marvelously adorable, 10-year-old, Lynxpoint Siamese, petite and attached to me. Vets have verified that “Jardine” believes I am her mother. That may explain some of this. Jardine is a foundling, named after the restaurant in San Juan Bautista, California where she was wandering in an alley at the ripe old age of 8 weeks.
Where do I start?
First, it’s nice to take a break from an everyday routine. For me it is.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.
Next, chaos is exciting and challenging. Gets my blood flowing. Things are happening.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.
Just as you’re getting bored by all of this, it’s not about what’s happening, not happening, routine or not routine.
It’s about that “being” state … you know …being who we are. She’s a cat and I am not.
Therefore, as an ever-learning, ever-developing, ever-aging coach, I must constantly take life as a lesson … to become a story in a future client conversation, of course!
Lessons learned traveling from Raleigh, North Carolina USA to Kingston, Ontario Canada with Jardine:
1. Cats hate hotel rooms.
2. Cats love to slink around and hide under beds.
3. Cats can sleep (somewhat) in a moving car.
4. Cats don’t automatically fall in love with their carrying cases (even when the case is rather chic and au current). In fact, it becomes an object of hate and fear.
5. A cat who has lived with one person all her life has a bit of a challenge when suddenly living with two persons in a different house.
6. Cats are truly adaptable and have modest needs.
7. Cats take care of their physical needs no matter what and where.
8. Cats purr when staff is acting as massage therapist and chef.
9. Cats truly adapt rapidly to an entirely new environment by marking every piece of furniture, both computers, all appliances, and accepting new kitty litter.
So this coach has learned (or is learning) the her version of these lessons:
1. A coach must always be coach-like even when disliking staying in a hotel room with a cat who clearly hates the hotel room and hides under the bed.
2. A coach must always be coach-like when crawling on the hotel room floor to find and capture the cat.
3. A coach must always be coach-like when driving in a car with a cat who vocalizes her unhappiness.
4. A coach must always be a grateful coach when cat is sleeping.
5. A coach must always admire a chic and au current carrying case even when cat doesn’t care about such things.
6. A coach must adapt readily to living with her significant other in another country so as to not disturb the cat’s psyche.
7. A coach must always be adaptable and have modest needs. (Not really.)
8. A coach must take care of her physical needs no matter what (after cat is fed).
9. A coach must learn to purr … what? Well, I guess that’s going too far but it would be nice to be able to purr sometimes when things go wonderfully well…
as they did and as they are.
I was thinking about this and how the experience of my cat would benefit me as a coach.
Before you LOL too much …
Where do I start?
First, it’s nice to take a break from an everyday routine. For me it is.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.
Next, chaos is exciting and challenging. Gets my blood flowing. Things are happening.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.
Just as you’re getting bored by all of this, it’s not about what’s happening, not happening, routine or not routine.
It’s about that “being” state … you know …being who we are. She’s a cat and I am not.
Therefore, as an ever-learning, ever-developing, ever-aging coach, I must constantly take life as a lesson … to become a story in a future client conversation, of course!
Lessons learned traveling from Raleigh, North Carolina USA to Kingston, Ontario Canada with Jardine:
1. Cats hate hotel rooms.
2. Cats love to slink around and hide under beds.
3. Cats can sleep (somewhat) in a moving car.
4. Cats don’t automatically fall in love with their carrying cases (even when the case is rather chic and au current). In fact, it becomes an object of hate and fear.
5. A cat who has lived with one person all her life has a bit of a challenge when suddenly living with two persons in a different house.
6. Cats are truly adaptable and have modest needs.
7. Cats take care of their physical needs no matter what and where.
8. Cats purr when staff is acting as massage therapist and chef.
9. Cats truly adapt rapidly to an entirely new environment by marking every piece of furniture, both computers, all appliances, and accepting new kitty litter.
So this coach has learned (or is learning) the her version of these lessons:
1. A coach must always be coach-like even when disliking staying in a hotel room with a cat who clearly hates the hotel room and hides under the bed.
2. A coach must always be coach-like when crawling on the hotel room floor to find and capture the cat.
3. A coach must always be coach-like when driving in a car with a cat who vocalizes her unhappiness.
4. A coach must always be a grateful coach when cat is sleeping.
5. A coach must always admire a chic and au current carrying case even when cat doesn’t care about such things.
6. A coach must adapt readily to living with her significant other in another country so as to not disturb the cat’s psyche.
7. A coach must always be adaptable and have modest needs. (Not really.)
8. A coach must take care of her physical needs no matter what (after cat is fed).
9. A coach must learn to purr … what? Well, I guess that’s going too far but it would be nice to be able to purr sometimes when things go wonderfully well…
as they did and as they are.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Professional Coaching is Evolving
That I know. That's all that I know about it.
My work as a coach must also evolve and become more future oriented. If I am to work another 10 years or so (that would be amazing at my age), I want to stay on the leading edge of my profession. It is one thing to say 'leading edge' but another to figure out where that edge is, or begins, or ends. I'm not an eagle who can fly off that edge so I must be my human self and remain conscious and vigilant, yet willing to venture forth.
Where does that venturing want to go?
I will never forget when Indiana Jones stepped off that cliff and found a bridge magically under his feet. An action like that takes a high degree of faith ... the faith of the future. It's always important to bear in mind that when we talk about the future we talk about what has not yet happened. It takes an "every moment" kind of faith and trust to live into it.
When making one's living doing this or that, the times we live in dictate we pay attention to what we do, want to do, wish we could do in order to pay our way on this earth.
To what shall I pay attention, given the magnitude of the possibilities?
The other day I was acknowledged as being rather pragmatic. I normally don't think of myself that way but it's a good approach and helpful at the least. I've always known myself as an idea machine fully occupied by the future. Yet if one thinks about that for a moment, what I do for a living requires that I stay "in the moment" with each client. I must imagine that I learned to do that, because that’s what I do.
I am going to venture forth and start with this question:
Am I just making a living or am I making a difference?
As I inquire into this question I’m struck immediately by “maybe I make a difference” but really, is there any evidence that I do?
The word ‘pragmatic’ comes forward when I ask about “just making a living” as if it were a bad thing. It’s not!! I must make a living; it’s my responsibility to do so.
How I language myself is rather important, don’t you think? The word ‘just’ is pejorative and not helpful. What do I mean “just make a living?” Hey, I’m proud that I do. And if I preen and strut as if I know I make a difference, I’m not making a difference with anyone. All I could say to you or myself if I did that would be: “I am full of myself.” Yikes!
Here’s how I intend to investigate ideas and questions about the future of coaching. I will first address how I speak of my profession, the people who practice it and its potential for the future. I will hold myself as a learner on the road to mastery.
I’ll let George Leonard (Mastery) set my path all the while reminding me that the “plateau” is where we spend just about all of our lives.
“Practice, the path of mastery, exists only in the present. You can see it, hear it, smell it, feel it. To love the plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of progress and the fruits of accomplishment, then serenely to accept the new plateau that waits just beyond them. To love the plateau is to love what is most essential and enduring in your life.”
My work as a coach must also evolve and become more future oriented. If I am to work another 10 years or so (that would be amazing at my age), I want to stay on the leading edge of my profession. It is one thing to say 'leading edge' but another to figure out where that edge is, or begins, or ends. I'm not an eagle who can fly off that edge so I must be my human self and remain conscious and vigilant, yet willing to venture forth.
Where does that venturing want to go? I will never forget when Indiana Jones stepped off that cliff and found a bridge magically under his feet. An action like that takes a high degree of faith ... the faith of the future. It's always important to bear in mind that when we talk about the future we talk about what has not yet happened. It takes an "every moment" kind of faith and trust to live into it.
When making one's living doing this or that, the times we live in dictate we pay attention to what we do, want to do, wish we could do in order to pay our way on this earth.
To what shall I pay attention, given the magnitude of the possibilities?
The other day I was acknowledged as being rather pragmatic. I normally don't think of myself that way but it's a good approach and helpful at the least. I've always known myself as an idea machine fully occupied by the future. Yet if one thinks about that for a moment, what I do for a living requires that I stay "in the moment" with each client. I must imagine that I learned to do that, because that’s what I do.
I am going to venture forth and start with this question:
Am I just making a living or am I making a difference?
As I inquire into this question I’m struck immediately by “maybe I make a difference” but really, is there any evidence that I do?
The word ‘pragmatic’ comes forward when I ask about “just making a living” as if it were a bad thing. It’s not!! I must make a living; it’s my responsibility to do so.
How I language myself is rather important, don’t you think? The word ‘just’ is pejorative and not helpful. What do I mean “just make a living?” Hey, I’m proud that I do. And if I preen and strut as if I know I make a difference, I’m not making a difference with anyone. All I could say to you or myself if I did that would be: “I am full of myself.” Yikes!
Here’s how I intend to investigate ideas and questions about the future of coaching. I will first address how I speak of my profession, the people who practice it and its potential for the future. I will hold myself as a learner on the road to mastery.
I’ll let George Leonard (Mastery) set my path all the while reminding me that the “plateau” is where we spend just about all of our lives.
“Practice, the path of mastery, exists only in the present. You can see it, hear it, smell it, feel it. To love the plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of progress and the fruits of accomplishment, then serenely to accept the new plateau that waits just beyond them. To love the plateau is to love what is most essential and enduring in your life.”
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