CoachChristineTalks

Developing a Coaching Culture in an Organization

2012-01-31T20:25:00.000-05:00

It occured to me today that I should not let January 2012 go flying by as if it didn't exist, which it surely does. And I am not referring to the upcoming, in process U.S. election stuff.

I've been thinking about what it takes to build a "coaching culture" in an organization that becomes more than an idea of the moment. Here's a start ... with ideas most definitely welcomed.

1. It takes a commitment to coaching beyond it being just another good idea;
2. It takes experience with the effects and impact of coaching on at least one group in the organization (as opposed to one person);
3. It takes a financial commitment that is realistic and well-conceived;
4. It takes a way to measure the effectiveness of coaching over time;
5. It takes a realistic approach to what coaching can help an organization accomplish;
6. I would guess it takes having an annual evaluation of the impact of coaching that can solidify a commitment over time and change.
7. It surely takes an organized approach to the whole process: who gets a coach being the primary decision (aside from budget considerations);
8. It takes an understanding of the coaching process, what to expect and not expect from coaching, and what standards need to be adopted, especially with regard to the coaches who are engaged.

I know there are more ideas to develop as I prepare a webinar for an organization on this very topic.

What is your experience?

Spontaneity in a Coaching Conversation

2011-12-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

Essential to the effectiveness of a coaching conversation is the capacity of the coach to be fully present throughout the session.

That sounds so basic, so simple, so obvious.

It isn’t any of those.

Coaching Presence will likely occupy my blog and other work for as long as there are coaches … which I hope will be forever.

In this brief blog I will talk about spontaneity … one of the criteria to describing and recognizing this core competency (Coaching Presence) in use … or missing … as the case may be.

Think of it this way: responding in the moment to what your client just said is the perfect spontaneous expression of being fully present. It’s not possible to plan for a spontaneous moment. It’s only possible to respond to it. Given the coaching subject matter (client’s agenda or agreement) does not belong to the coach, there seems to be no purpose in being other than spontaneous.

When listening to a coach in a session, it’s clear and obvious when the coach is drawing ideas from his/her (coach’s) own ideas, thoughts, suggestions, references, directions, and expertise. There’s simply nothing spontaneous going on.

Think about it. I call it “being in your head” irrespective of what’s going on with your client.

More on this.

Friends, Family and Other Victims: Learning On the Job

2011-12-15T10:33:00.000-05:00

New coaches who have ever worked with me are familiar with the words in the title above.
To begin, I’m reminded always of Aristotle’s immortal admonition: “Before we can learn to do something we first must go out and do it.”

Aw, that’s not fair. Why can’t I learn to coach from classes and books and workshops and conferences?

My instructor is challenging me to get my first 5 clients! How can I go out and represent myself as a “coach” when I’m not a coach yet? OMG

Well, here are your instructions: tell your new “clients” that you are new to the profession and would like to practice your new techniques with them. Tell the truth. You might have very willing friends (colleagues) from work, or family members, or “other victims” as I laughingly put it. After all, you bring the you of all your life into this endeavor; that’s worth a lot.

Let’s face it, no practice, no learning.

When I think of my first clients I must simply laugh and wonder why anyone ever paid me (after several hundred hours of pro bono work before that 1st check). But they did and I learned. This was way back before ICF Core Competencies … no books, no conferences, only learning on the job.

A little hint from me: I was a consultant at the same time I was learning to be a coach. I had coaching clients and consulting clients … two different groups entirely. Some little bird told me to do that and am I ever glad I did.

Enjoy the journey!

An Open Mind

2011-12-13T20:34:00.000-05:00

I reviewed Alvin Toffler’s predictions regarding the future. If you read The Third Wave within the past 40 years you might be interested in taking a look ahead to the Fourth Wave. (“40 for the Next 40” http://www.toffler.com/)

When I first read this document I thought: “same but more of it” … a thought I did not find on this reading. It’s essential to tie the future to the past as a continuum or just as a subject list. It’s equally important to look at these 40 predictions with as open a mind as possible … though that’s not always easy to do.

Why talk about Toffler in a blog about coaching? After all, we coaches are not supposed to deal with other than the present. Haven’t I blogged incessantly about Coaching Presence?

Okay. There is a difference between the coaching conversation itself and the world at large. Agree? When listening to our clients we stay present to what’s being said in that moment and respond to what the client says (as opposed to the voice in our heads).

In this blog I speak of knowing what’s going on in the world and not of any particular opinion you or I might have about it. We coaches are not to be narrow in our knowledge of life and events.

Why not stay or become a broad learner with an open mind, an interested participant and a curious person?

Curious!!! There it is. ‘Curiosity’ simply must become the mindset of a coach. Whew! Thought I’d never get there.

Trust

2011-12-11T12:56:00.000-05:00

Quite often I am asked “What do you hear or experience in an ICF credential exam?”

That’s a rather involved question or should I say … the answer can be rather complex.

Have you ever used the phrase “I could hear the wheels turning” when someone with whom you are in conversation is thinking about something or other that doesn’t involve you? If you have, you’re on your way to understanding what I experience.

Newer coaches who still need lots of skillful practice (not just any ol’ practice), are still working from a script … the script they learned in a particular coach training program. That’s to be expected, absolutely.

As a practiced listener of coaches at work (exam or mentoring), I can hear the script. Most coaches rely on a particular approach that they’ve practiced somewhat or even a lot. This would define the ACC candidate most definitely and very often the PCC candidate. Unfortunately, it also defines some MCC candidates which just might account for the high failure rate.

The missing piece with coaches who rely on a “formula” type approach to their coaching is trust. Remember, there is a competency called Trust and Intimacy.

To get to the heart of the matter we first must look at trust in all of its facets. A coach who is on the road to mastery …

Trusts the coaching process;

Trusts and respects each client as whole and complete;
Trusts their own ability to serve their client with competence and integrity;
Trusts each client to choose what is best for client during the conversation.

What would you like to add to this list?

From my perspective, trust comes first, then intimacy (or closeness). It’s just the way of things.

Taking Advantage of Every Opportunity

2011-12-09T17:26:00.000-05:00

I was hemming some draperies tonight. I’ve done that before. In fact, I made lots of my clothes when I was in my teens.

If that’s not interesting enough, think of this: the practice of a competency is just about as thrilling.

It occurred to me as I threaded the needle several times that my focus on such a small item as a needle and thread plus the knot required undivided attention to my task. Just like practicing mastery (so says George Leonard in “Mastery”).

I’m going to take practicing at face value. Practicing is essential in order to become at least proficient (consciously competent) at anything. I recall the remark by a new skier who was struggling nearby in a skiing class (I was in the class, too). He remarked “You mean I have to LEARN to do this?” I smothered a smile and wondered where that all came from. I practiced every minute and it was thrilling.

Here’s the lesson my ski classmate didn’t have in mind: First learn what there is to learn and then go out and practice it.

Coaching is a way of being (curious) first and foremost. So, at every opportunity why not practice being curious. As I threaded that needle and stitched my way along a series of drapery panels, I began to look at the stitches I was making and how they looked on both sides. I watched how many threads I usually picked up with the needle going in and thought about how nice this would all look when finished. I became curious again when I wanted to stop doing this task and wondered if I would stay with it … I did but not without some gentle prodding from my curious self.

So those two hours of hemming were a moment of opportunity that I stole from my evening in order to practice the fine art of being curious. And the result was worth it!

Toronto Keynote

2011-11-02T20:09:00.000-04:00

For some strange reason, I like public speaking. I've attempted to analyze why but give up. Suffice to say, when I know what I'm talking about it's a marvelous experience. Of course, the operative idea here is "I know what I am talking about." What that entails is a lot of first person experience. That's what it's been for me. I cannot imagine talking to an audience about something about which I know little or nothing ... that is, using the ideas of others.

Think about it.

When you are speaking to one person or many, it's really easy to talk about what you know. The only caveat here is that your audience (of one or many) wants to hear from you.

Oh.

That's the secret! Public speaking is making a subject compelling or relevant or important or fun or inspiring ... all, some, or just one of those will do.

Over the past 20+ years I've given many, many, many speeches ... some really fun and rewarding ... some near disasters ... some inspiring or compelling ... some maybe okay. The deal is to get up there and risk it all.

The keynote I gave in Toronto last weekend (Oct 29) was quite a challenge. For one thing, I had not spoken with the theme of that speech: rocket science and coaching. It remained for me to connect the two and it took two-plus months to be able to do that (for my understanding much less sthe audience's understanding). I knew I had a lots of first-person photos, first-person connection with projects, first-person coaching (duh), and experience relating coaching competencies to unusual and different metaphors.

Along the way I've been learning from the http://www.ted.com/ speakers: brief and brilliant. I love PowerPoint but kept whittling down my slides to a slim 19 ... not many for a 60-minute talk. Lessons learned like these are always important and will serve me as the future unfolds.

Oh yes, I met some terrific people at the conference, learned some things, and enjoyed my taxi journeys through Toronto ... a gorgeous city ... plus my beloved train rides to and from Toronto.

That's about it.

Creativity is Just Connecting Things

2011-10-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.”… Steve Jobs (Apple)

Maybe your mind works as a connecting machine the way mine does. I see, I hear, I feel, I touch, I sense … you know all those things that we humans do. Each action brings forth a connection with something or some event that happened sometime …perhaps a minute ago or “back in the day.”

Is that your way of thinking and processing? Each of us tends to believe that most people process the world in the same way even though we know that’s not so. Even imagining others just might be the same as ourselves interferes with our work as coaches just as soon as we think that’s how things are.

Steve Jobs built Apple, Inc. into one of the world’s greatest companies. I’m not here to judge or even describe how Apple works, suffice to say it’s a highly creative company developed by a person who could connect something with something and make a bit of magic out of doing that.

My experience is that one can learn something new or newly described from just about anywhere. In this case, I’m looking at how all of this relates to coaching.

I’m giving a keynote address to a conference in Toronto at the end of October. My charge is to connect Rocket Science with …well, just about anything else … in this case, coaching.

Instead of assuming anything about how you and I learn, I went consciously into idea mode … taking over two months to figure it out. Of course, nothing is ever figured out completely so I just must go with my intuition this time.

One can and does learn from rocket scientists and engineers. It’s just a matter of communicating what that is.

Annoyances

2011-09-16T08:12:00.000-04:00

Annoyances (for the most part) are particularly annoying. In high level professional coaching, annoyances can be particularly damaging.

In order to be fully present to another person, whether as a coach or not, one is called forth to let annoyances exist without distracting from the task at hand.

What's an annoyance? Well, let me make up my own definition ... as I do often. Annoyances are anything that may get in the way of doing something more important.

For example, a client calls and expects me to be "there" and ready to help him/her deal with some issue or another. My office is particularly warm that day and my ceiling fan is not working. Of course I am annoyed and wondering who needs to come and repair it. My client is on the phone.

One of the skills of a truly professional coach is the competency "Coaching Presence" wherein the annoyance disappears and is not a factor at anytime in the conversation (even a warm room and non-functioning ceiling fan). What I mean by 'a factor' doesn't mean to imply it's not there. It's just not a player in the coaching relationship.

Have you ever had a coaching conversation only to discover at its conclusion that you don't recall even sitting in a chair or feeling the ambient temperature in the room? This is what is meant by being fully present. It's one thing to be present (such as I am 'here') and another to be completely captured within the conversation (fully present).

It's pretty cool to experience it.

Here's how it shows up in your coaching skill set: you're not in your head and preoccupied with what you think, judge or know. You are instead completely engaged in service of your client and what's on your client's mind or the session. You have no notes to take (except maybe for the very first session), no pre-conceived ideas about the situation, no ready-made stories to tell, no goal for the client. What you are doing when fully present is listening for what is being said, hearing what is not said, being authentic and honest, and fully supporting your client's unique and special self-expression.

Annoyances never again interfere. They just are.

Takes a bit of practice. It's worth the journey.

Fine Technical Points of Coaching

2011-09-02T12:05:00.000-04:00

It's interesting and helpful to discuss fine technical points of a coaching conversation. Yes, there are technical points in a coaching conversation ... trust me there are.

After a couple hundred exams, I may be getting the essence of why and how a coach surpasses basic and often secure coaching competence eventually to reach the next level we call mastery (in the ICF). What's interesting is that this "fine technical" move is palpable ... it's clear, it's wonderful, it's simply amazing. As a client in the exam process, from time to time I have the honor to be heard at a profound level by a coach and to get the full measure of someone else's ability to listen to me that way.

Oh my! It takes one's breath away.

Coaches who have the ability to connect so profoundly with another person just may be gifted that way. I say that because I'm recalling an ACC exam that I scored in the mastery range; he had slightly more than 100 coaching hours at that point.

However, I rather think it's possible to guide a highly competent coach to yet another level. Just as in a coaching conversation, the partnership of the mentor and the coach client is the dominant reason it has even a possibility of working well.

As coaches we frequently encounter the "need to be perfect" or "I'm not good enough, yet" behavior set that provides plenty of food for struggle and angst (for both client and coach).

Over many years I've come to the realization that these two "life scripts" are serious impediments to surpassing functional high competence in a profession such as coaching.

Musing about all of this has one go straight to the concept of 'art' ... fine coaching is an art. Art is in the eye (ear, mind, heart, soul) of the beholder. When I behold fine (masterful) coaching my whole being is impacted.

That's worth everything.

Annoyances

2011-08-22T09:12:00.000-04:00

Lost all my graphics suddenly. Cannot seem to figure out what happened and why. Guess it's time for a computer guru overhaul. LOL It's the way of PC's isn't it?

Events like this are food for a conversation on coach self-management or maybe more broadly ... annoyances. My clients are not going to be the "beneficiaries" of technical glitches. This one, however, is not that important ... just annoying. But then, annoyances can be subtle interferences with being "fully present." Is it that way for you?

Good subjects for us all.

More Thoughts About Inspiration

2011-08-12T11:01:00.000-04:00

No long dissertation today.

Just watched Il Divo --- 4 tenors singing Amazing Grace --- via YouTube. This is a pathway to inspiration. For me, that which "breathes life into me" is found wherever people, animals and nature are giving it away. Inspiration cannot be contrived, faked or made up. Inspiration simply is what it is. I get it or I don't.

In coaching it's found in 'presence' (being truly present to and connected with ... another). When I'm "in my head" I cannot be present. When my thoughts wander, I cannot be present. When I'm thinking about what I will say or do, I cannot be present. When whatever is going on is all about me, I cannot be present. When I am not present, I am no gift for another person.

This is what I wanted to say today.

Inspiration

2011-07-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

Inspire: To breathe life into.

Pretty daunting, if you think about it.

One of my clients has as a primary goal to become more inspiring. He’s in a leadership development phase of his career. We all know that an essential skill of a successful leader is the ability to inspire others. Thus, it’s truly important in that context. Who would willingly follow a leader who is not inspiring?

The question for coaching is this: Does a coach need to be inspiring in order to coach? Think about it. What would that look or sound like? Is it our role to “breathe life into a client?”

When using the words ‘inspire’ ‘inspiring’ ‘inspiration’ are we coaches just tossing around words to sound knowledgeable? Or are we truly dealing in the business of having people take on becoming more inspiring? Or is it something in between that we have no role in?

Each of us can point to someone who is inspiring. There are the famous, global figures who inspired legions to follow them. There might be someone who individually inspires you. No doubt about it. We do know what this is. I’ve even been inspired by a race horse named Zenyatta (see my blog about her).

Another question might be: “Is working on becoming inspiring a logical goal that can be quantified and measured?” Perhaps it’s some other kind of goal or outcome. If and when I am inspired, does that give me extra mojo to get things done? Is it even about "doing" something? Where does inspiration come into the picture, anyway?

I’m working on a keynote address. What exactly is my goal with it? Do I inspire the audience for that day only? Do I take the longer view? Can I even do any of that? Here's a question of myself: am I truly confident enough to give up on trying to be inspiring and just be authentic … letting the results fall as they may?

Perhaps inspiration is simply in the heart and soul of each person (just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder). If you and I are ready to have “life breathed into us by another” then perhaps we are open to be inspired. That may be all there is to that!

So where does that leave the coach? My take is “probably right in the role of coach where each of us belongs.”

Lessons from a Cat on How to Behave as a Coach

2011-06-11T09:36:00.000-04:00

Getting ready to become an ex-pat by moving from the U.S. to Canada was a challenge for everyone involved: myself and my cat. Well, she didn’t comment too often.

I was thinking about this and how the experience of my cat would benefit me as a coach.

Before you LOL too much …

First of all, my kitty is marvelously adorable, 10-year-old, Lynxpoint Siamese, petite and attached to me. Vets have verified that “Jardine” believes I am her mother. That may explain some of this. Jardine is a foundling, named after the restaurant in San Juan Bautista, California where she was wandering in an alley at the ripe old age of 8 weeks.

Where do I start?
First, it’s nice to take a break from an everyday routine. For me it is.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.

Next, chaos is exciting and challenging. Gets my blood flowing. Things are happening.
For a cat, not so great.
No go here.

Just as you’re getting bored by all of this, it’s not about what’s happening, not happening, routine or not routine.

It’s about that “being” state … you know …being who we are. She’s a cat and I am not.

Therefore, as an ever-learning, ever-developing, ever-aging coach, I must constantly take life as a lesson … to become a story in a future client conversation, of course!

Lessons learned traveling from Raleigh, North Carolina USA to Kingston, Ontario Canada with Jardine:

1. Cats hate hotel rooms.
2. Cats love to slink around and hide under beds.
3. Cats can sleep (somewhat) in a moving car.
4. Cats don’t automatically fall in love with their carrying cases (even when the case is rather chic and au current). In fact, it becomes an object of hate and fear.
5. A cat who has lived with one person all her life has a bit of a challenge when suddenly living with two persons in a different house.
6. Cats are truly adaptable and have modest needs.
7. Cats take care of their physical needs no matter what and where.
8. Cats purr when staff is acting as massage therapist and chef.
9. Cats truly adapt rapidly to an entirely new environment by marking every piece of furniture, both computers, all appliances, and accepting new kitty litter.

So this coach has learned (or is learning) the her version of these lessons:

1. A coach must always be coach-like even when disliking staying in a hotel room with a cat who clearly hates the hotel room and hides under the bed.
2. A coach must always be coach-like when crawling on the hotel room floor to find and capture the cat.
3. A coach must always be coach-like when driving in a car with a cat who vocalizes her unhappiness.
4. A coach must always be a grateful coach when cat is sleeping.
5. A coach must always admire a chic and au current carrying case even when cat doesn’t care about such things.
6. A coach must adapt readily to living with her significant other in another country so as to not disturb the cat’s psyche.
7. A coach must always be adaptable and have modest needs. (Not really.)
8. A coach must take care of her physical needs no matter what (after cat is fed).
9. A coach must learn to purr … what? Well, I guess that’s going too far but it would be nice to be able to purr sometimes when things go wonderfully well…

as they did and as they are.

Professional Coaching is Evolving

2011-04-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

That I know. That's all that I know about it.

My work as a coach must also evolve and become more future oriented. If I am to work another 10 years or so (that would be amazing at my age), I want to stay on the leading edge of my profession. It is one thing to say 'leading edge' but another to figure out where that edge is, or begins, or ends. I'm not an eagle who can fly off that edge so I must be my human self and remain conscious and vigilant, yet willing to venture forth.

Where does that venturing want to go?

I will never forget when Indiana Jones stepped off that cliff and found a bridge magically under his feet. An action like that takes a high degree of faith ... the faith of the future. It's always important to bear in mind that when we talk about the future we talk about what has not yet happened. It takes an "every moment" kind of faith and trust to live into it.

When making one's living doing this or that, the times we live in dictate we pay attention to what we do, want to do, wish we could do in order to pay our way on this earth.

To what shall I pay attention, given the magnitude of the possibilities?

The other day I was acknowledged as being rather pragmatic. I normally don't think of myself that way but it's a good approach and helpful at the least. I've always known myself as an idea machine fully occupied by the future. Yet if one thinks about that for a moment, what I do for a living requires that I stay "in the moment" with each client. I must imagine that I learned to do that, because that’s what I do.

I am going to venture forth and start with this question:

Am I just making a living or am I making a difference?

As I inquire into this question I’m struck immediately by “maybe I make a difference” but really, is there any evidence that I do?

The word ‘pragmatic’ comes forward when I ask about “just making a living” as if it were a bad thing. It’s not!! I must make a living; it’s my responsibility to do so.

How I language myself is rather important, don’t you think? The word ‘just’ is pejorative and not helpful. What do I mean “just make a living?” Hey, I’m proud that I do. And if I preen and strut as if I know I make a difference, I’m not making a difference with anyone. All I could say to you or myself if I did that would be: “I am full of myself.” Yikes!

Here’s how I intend to investigate ideas and questions about the future of coaching. I will first address how I speak of my profession, the people who practice it and its potential for the future. I will hold myself as a learner on the road to mastery.

I’ll let George Leonard (Mastery) set my path all the while reminding me that the “plateau” is where we spend just about all of our lives.

“Practice, the path of mastery, exists only in the present. You can see it, hear it, smell it, feel it. To love the plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of progress and the fruits of accomplishment, then serenely to accept the new plateau that waits just beyond them. To love the plateau is to love what is most essential and enduring in your life.”

Noticing My Assumptions About Exams

2011-04-15T13:25:00.000-04:00

Usually, I write in Word, edit and think about my blog posts. I'll try something different today. I'll compose straight on my blog post. Sometimes that results in stream-of-consciousness thinking, Well, okay.

Thank you to those of you who follow my blog. I pretty much write what I think and experience in the world of professional coaching. I've always been sort of an iconoclast (breaking down traditions) ...not so much that I get in big trouble, but often enough to limit my "fan club membership." LOL

I've been an assessor on a whole lot of exams over the past few months. After eight years of exams I'm noticing something that I assumed over the years: the number of client coaching hours is important to the quality of coaching.

Here's the deal. Recently I assessed some ACC exams (you know, 100+ client coaching hours, 60+ hours of training). Okay. Well, one scored well into the MCC range (you know, 2,500 client coaching hours, 200+ hours of training). Over the years at least 3 coaches earned the highest scores from me. Okay. Maybe that does't prove anything ... it's certainly anecdotal. There are some "naturals" in this profession.

Here's another observation. I also recently assessed some candidates for either the PCC or MCC credential (you know, PCC=750+ client coaching hours, 125+ hours of training with MCC=2,500 client coaching hours, 200+ hours of training). The details are for anyone not familiar with all of this. At least 6 coaches tested out at the highest level (MCC) but were going for the PCC credential. Most test out at the PCC level (overwhelmingly) and a few (I'm sad to say) barely make the ACC level.

Anecdotally speaking (don't forget that), I notice that the most achieved score is in the PCC range ... frankly where it ought to be.

Don't be misled. I am not advocating for just one credential but simply making an observation that PCC is where we're going to find ICF coaches. Makes sense, actually, since the training programs train to that level.

Recently I've spoken to groups here and there via conference calls. I've been reporting another, possibly related, observation. I can honestly say that, with rare exception, the only interest the public has in the ICF credential is the "CC" part. No one asks about the "M" in front of mine. I treat it as a post-grad designation, quite frankly and work hard to earn my spot in that world.

As an executive coach who is actively putting together a power team of top executive coaches, I'm interested in pure coaching skill coupled with organization experience and a willingness to learn a new 360.

Now it's time to open up the credentialing process ... at least, have open minds. Surprise I would say that? Hmmm. I tried hard to speak to this several years ago but ... well, who needs to relive the past? There such a thing as global collaboration.

I'll let that percolate. (Saturn with 4 moons.)

Resolving an Overwhelming Challenge Just Leads to the Next

2011-03-27T22:03:00.000-04:00

If a challenge is big enough it’s likely to fall in the category of overwhelming, even impossible, and ultimately hopeless.

Have you ever had the overwhelm experience yourself?

Have you coached a person who is in some or all of those states? Surely, you must have.

Well, I’m up against having been in all three for several months (after years of getting there) … having nothing to do with work or something fixable like that. The battle of my physical state had finally crossed the bridge to OMG.

This blog is about appreciating to potential of resolving a problem that has OMG (now what do I do?) status. It’s this way for clients; it’s this way for me, and this way for you and those for whom you care.

Here is an example of what I’m talking about:

A former client found himself suffering from stress and overwhelm doing work he loved to do. He was even masterful at doing that work. Realizing something was not working for him, he gradually embraced and then fully engaged in some truly “tough love” coaching that allowed him to begin changing how he works with people. Sure, he exclaimed OMG! The change is continuing, the insights coming faster, the commitment still strong. It was my pleasure to be a catalyst for a whole lot of “heavy lifting” by this client who has begun to enjoy new and positive feedback from his peers.

Now it’s my time to sample the challenge and make my way forward with some tough love for myself. Prior to surgery, I was privileged to be beautifully coached in an exam. My breakthrough (and it isn't often I have one in an exam, especially an ACC exam) was to "ask for what I want and need." What a revelation and how important it has been for me to learn how to ask.

Since I write this blog I can be personal ... the OMG is finding a resolution. It’s a moving and powerful experience to have a replacement of a part of me … to learn to walk again, to go through rehabilitation every day, to be housebound. All this is my new way to a simple though arduous future that is changing how I walk, how I sit, how I stand and, ultimately, how I feel ... oh, and how I think about things.

I'm ready to be more bold, more audacious, more controversial, more creative,and more unwilling to settle for the status quo in coaching. Turns out my OMG was all along not about me.

Becoming Relevant: Lessons from a Mosquito

2011-01-18T17:00:00.000-05:00

A woman named Betty Reese said this: “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Okay, okay.

Onward!

My first blog of 2011 is a mandate to myself to expand my horizons to the world in which I am strangely rather comfortable … the future. First requirement is to fall away from ordinary thinking that has plagued us (me included) for the past decade.

Lest I forget, professional coaching developed during this time … yet in some ways it struggles to remain the same. None of that is a terribly bad thing. It’s just not the only thing to think about.

I’m going to Gladwell’s What the Dog Saw and renewing my close relationship with connecting things, people, ideas and those ostensible “whatevers” that don’t yet exist. His other excellent books (Tipping Point, Blink and Outliers have the same thinking, BTW).

For two years I wrote about professional coaching, mainly the competencies and how to take exams with a few other observations thrown in from time to time. It was fun and rewarding to look at what I do with an eye to what works. But I haven’t been truly fearless; I’ve been somewhat safe (not entirely) but then I’ve never known myself to take on things that are (were) purely safe …as if I knew what I was doing all the time. LOL

Then there are times when I need to educate myself in matters other than people.

I read Michio Kaku’s Hyperspace and will follow that with his Physics of the Impossible. The universe exists (no matter what anyone else thinks). It’s huge, beyond immense, unimaginably vast … no more words to use. Well, it makes me aware of how small and insignificant I actually am to the greater scheme. Yet I am aware enough to know that I am on a very small planet with rather frightening problems that may or may not have solutions. I’ll be reading this book for quite a while bearing in mind the mosquito.

I was musing on some cursory ideas from Alvin Toffler (of Third Wave fame) and his Fourth Wave predictions. The scary part is that they’re all the same problems only magnified. I’m of the opinion that the future must include some radical changes that I certainly cannot define or describe … at least it seems that way to me. I count on better minds than my own to keep me honest.

My wish now is to be able to relate to the future and bring what I do for a living (professional coaching) into a relevance that extends much further into the future than I will ever know.

So how’s that going to happen? First, I’ll check in with the mosquito for strategy. Then I will begin.

Evaluating Professional Performance

2010-12-29T08:13:00.000-05:00

My current foray into the world of evaluating the professional performance of others is as a member of the ICF Credential Assessor Team. I’ve been involved heavily for the past 8 years. And, I hope I have not only learned a lot but have become a better assessor and better coach.

I’ll speak to 4 observations … commitment, skill, imperfection, and value.

(1) Commitment. There’s a lot involved with evaluating a person’s professional future. For one thing, it’s taking what this is all about with a deep serious commitment to doing the best possible job for all concerned. One does not take that lightly for a moment. And, I would say it’s the first and most important place to stand when taking on this commitment.

(2) Skill. For many years I was involved in training, developing and evaluating people who chose to become officials for a sport (competitive swimming in this case). This long time experience probably helped me move into the professional coaching arena more than I realized at the time. It remains a grateful background to my assessor work.

Another helpful origin is that I did not train with any of the founding group of coach training programs … I had no bias on how coaching should sound or be. Really, that’s true and remains to this day. The only backside of that is I do not want to hear a training program showing through above and beyond the coach … i.e. method coaching (sort of like method acting gone astray). To become an assessor is to shed one’s “learned” way of how coaching should be.

(3) Imperfection. There are some aspects that don’t work optimally about the ICF credentialing program but it’s rather remarkable how much does work well. In a new profession, grabbing the reins as the ICF did in 1998 and creating a credentialing program complete with core competencies that seemed to emerge from inspiration must be acknowledged as amazing.

But then again, to anyone who has not succeeded in obtaining their desired credential, there may be a heavy dose of criticism … well, except for the few who pursue with passion, learn, and ultimately do succeed. I know a few and admire the heck out of these exceptional coaches.

(4) Value. For anyone wanting to learn more about coaching than one could ever learn in any other way, becoming an ICF assessor is marvelous. I can say honestly, that my coaching could never have moved forward as it has without this part of my everyday training and development. The hours I spend as an assessor continue to be eminently worthwhile.

Distractions

2010-12-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

I’m a zealot about managing distractions when coaching. I normally think of cell phones, email, doorbells, children, dogs, cat walking across my desk, small child practicing mousemanship … the regular list.

That’s changed.

For the past few weeks I've been plagued by back problems … which is quite a distraction. I can work, take care of clients, get my house ready for sale … those kinds of important items, but I have not been blogging. Therefore, distractions have expanded into my blogging world. Just because I hurt doesn’t automatically translate to “can’t do my blogs” but apparently it has.

Blogging requires having something to say about something. I’m not pleased with myself for using pain and inconvenience as an excuse but it seems I have.

Distractions are a big deal in the world of professional coaching. That’s why there’s a very important competency called Coaching Presence. I’ve learned to manage this competency when coaching so now it’s time to expand its reach. Where this ‘reach’ goes I do not know but in case I wasn’t finding something new to learn, here it is!

While I’m on a roll, let me say something about Coaching Presence. Over the past couple of months I’ve had the pleasure and frustration of evaluating 4 coaching exams. The key to success, as I long ago discovered, is to be fully present, completely flexible and totally in service of one’s client. There is no other way to pass the ICF exams at a high level.

Distractions for coaches taking their exams are often subtle … so subtle the coach is unaware of them. These kinds of distractions include “trying really hard,” “preparing so much the prep itself destroys presence,” “having exam anxiety (performance anxiety),” “being awed by the assessor team (trust me it happens),” “failure to practice a 30-minute session,” “letting any other distraction get in the way,” “being late to the call,” … got the point? This list of what could be construed as beneficial (e.g. trying really hard) actually is subtle sabotage to peak performance in an exam setting. Any of these distractions will get in the way of being fully present in the conversation. A low score in Coaching Presence is not supportive of doing well in the exam, most definitely at the MCC level.

You might wonder if anyone passes their exam … the answer is yes! My past blogs talk a lot about what it takes to pass. This blog reminds us all that we must overcome distractions and not let them destroy our capacity to be fully present and natural.

Zenyatta

2010-11-07T12:27:00.000-05:00

The special loveliness of a horse named Zenyatta quite deservedly captured the love and adoration of her human fans. I've been around horses most of my life but never have I seen a horse dance ... especially a race horse on the way to the gate for a race. What an amazing experience.

Yes, she should have won the race. I can hold that thought just because I want to. What happened during the start may be known or it might not be known. It seems she just didn't get her mojo up and running ... but when she did ... well, she took my breath away.

Pure and simple, it was a moving experience to share in the love and appreciation for magnificent Zenyatta.

Why write about a horse? First, because I want to. She captured my heart and I'm happy to have let her do that. Second, because giving ourselves moments to be swept up in joy and delight is nourishment for the soul.

What’s Critical for a Successful Coaching Conversation?

2010-10-28T13:30:00.000-04:00

I’ve wrestled with which one of the ICF Core Competencies is critical to coaching success. One could make a case for any of them … a testimonial to their power, by the way.

I quickly eliminated the actions competencies … duh! People do things with or without a coach. If you take umbrage at my dismissal, actions are the natural result of great coaching, not the point of it. Nicer way of putting it?

Over the 8 years I’ve been an ICF exam assessor, I’ve taken a long look at the actual techniques of coaching: Active Listening, Powerful Questioning, and the concepts of Direct Communication. Upon reflection and the lessons of experience, it’s inevitable to find that these 3 coaching techniques are also essential to many similar professions: therapy, counseling, religious work, mentoring, social work, teaching, and on and on through the long list. At the very least they are critical coaching skills. And … they are also a starting point in defining the essential elements of ‘partnership’ (the essential relationship of coach and client).

If you are familiar with the ICF Core Competencies then you will note some missing items already. So I will talk about the Coaching Agreement given I harp on it all the time when mentoring coaches anxious to pass their exams. The Agreement for a given coaching session is the structure and the only structure of that conversation. Its absence is an invitation to a modest version of chaos and uncertainty. However, before we all get comfortable here, one very important ingredient of the Agreement is clarity …”What do you mean by …?” And, it’s also not a good idea to ask what a client wants to achieve before there’s even something articulated as the content of the conversation. Think about it. I’ve been greeted in an exam with these very first words out of the coach’s mouth: “So, what outcome would you like to have today?” What do you suppose was my response? (Clue: “Uh, well, I don’t quite know yet.”… I answered so very nicely.)

Suffice to say that a clear Coaching Agreement is very important to effective coaching, and not one that the coach dictates … in case I forgot to mention my favorite admonition for all coaches: let your client do the heavy lifting.

Okay, here we are. What’s left?

The two most essential elements (Competencies) of any coaching conversation are Establishing Trust & Intimacy and Coaching Presence. We can’t have one without the other and we can’t have successful coaching without them both. My experience is that a failure to gain trust and at some point a trusting closeness (professional intimacy) dooms a conversation and doesn’t even allow true presence to show up. And yet, could I be talking about two more difficult elements to learn? There is no formula, no simple way, no magic about it … these two Competencies are asking you, the coach, to be authentic, confident, caring (empathetic), comfortable in your role, ruthlessly compassionate and a complete advocate for your client … all the time, every time.

Coaching As A Commodity -- Really?

2010-10-11T12:31:00.000-04:00

The principal lesson I learned from a wonderful ICF-sponsored teleclass presented by Vicky Sullivan and Kay Cannon is that while I was comfortably engaged in the 7-year cocoon of the NASA project, the coaching profession had morphed into a commodity.

Yikes! This is truly earthshaking information for me.

What is a commodity, you ask? Well, in business parlance it means something that has become accepted and understood. That can include anything that people and organizations have decided they need. I never imagined coaching would arrive at this stage so quickly.

You might argue with this. After all, not everyone knows the benefits of coaching. True enough. However, if you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s Tipping Point it seems entirely possible that this is indeed how things are.

There comes a point in time when an idea takes hold with strength to endure. I’m not sure this is the case for all kinds of coaching but it appears to be the case with organization (executive, corporate, leadership) coaching.

And now the question I must ask myself: What do I need to do?

Clearly, I must respond carefully with my next moves in order to make a living. Could it be more obvious?

Having been in business now for 25 years I need to pull out the basics (that I taught for 15 years). When looking at what is next for me to do I must once again engage my entrepreneurial spirit, my years of experience … and fearlessly innovate!

I recently changed my vision statement from “Sustaining High Performance Over Time” to “Building People & Enterprise for Long Term Success.” I intend to design my expertise menu to include not only executive coaching but also to underscore management consulting and facilitation … (how I earned a living prior to the NASA project). I might even include two of my favorites: grad school teaching and public speaking …but those ideas are open for debate (with myself).

I expect these questions from curious minds: Isn’t that a rather heavy menu? Isn’t it too scattered? Don’t you want to focus more?

Yes, eventually I will focus. I shall narrow the field but I won’t leave anything out until I’ve looked at them all and entertained opportunities that show up. I can truthfully say that coaching will always be included, however.

More to come ….

Working My Way Down to Clues

2010-09-20T16:21:00.000-04:00

My relationship to the world around me is primarily visual. Some of you will happily join me and note that you are inclined to see things rather than hear or touch them. We even use language like “I see.” as a response to a request or comment or explanation. That’s a clue or cue to how to best work with me.

Try to imagine that I not only see the science in this meteorite coming really close to our planet but I find it metaphorically symbolizes getting to the point, narrowing in on an idea, sparking a creative thought. And it’s beautiful.

Now this visual thing can get pretty elaborate. I often find my thoughts (like most of the time) translating words into visual images, or racing through like a 24/7 video tape, or even just looking around for inspiration. I have lots of artwork on my walls: dramatic and complex, tiny and simple … all evocative (for me). I like to read action novels for relaxation noting how I rapidly translate the printed words into my version of the images those very words are describing. It’s just how it is for me.

We are all born with some sort of way to process the world around us. Small children touch, taste, test everything and watch big people … all of the time. When my grandchildren were very small they crawled and I crawled with them … a revelation regarding the world around me. I saw newly what I didn’t know I was seeing when a tiny little girl.

We all process information in all the usual basic ways: visual, kinesthetic, verbal, and auditory. I’m going to add: linear and non-linear, interpretation, meaning, recognition, empathy. It’s all fascinating and doesn’t begin to include personality, morality (ethics) and character. I learned by watching those I admired …visual learning once again.

What does this have to do with coaching? From my perspective, in coaching we don’t need to be complicated or complex … it’s suffices to know that individuals process information in the basic ways. A question can be asked in different ways if we know just this much about our client: “How might (do) you (see, feel, hear, verbalize) the situation?” “What does that mean to you?”

It’s truly important how we speak to our clients and connect to what works for them … the ICF the competency that recognizes this is called Direct Communication. Think about it. If I don’t pick up the clues as to how my client processes information and just push on with a story or recommend a book or expect a particular response … not much is going to happen except nice agreements and a friendly conversation … which is fine but it’s not powerful coaching.

We are now down to clues (the kinds discussed above, for starters). Clues (or cues) are the keys to exploration, discovery, forward progress, the euphemistic “going deeper,” awareness and creativity. Ignore the clues and stay painfully on the surface seeking information, agreement, and a nice experience, maybe even fun. Mostly, the focus of a coaching conversation where clues are missed will generally result in a clients not being challenged or engaged in exploration and discovery. From where could come an important action to take when nothing has been discovered?

The purpose of coaching is to partner with a client in exploring the heart of his/her agenda, to allow that client to discover something new and important, and then to work with that client in designing steps forward in order to act on that discovery and new learning. The client then does the “heavy lifting” while coach is there for support and appreciation.

Some Really Tough Lessons Learned

2010-09-14T10:05:00.000-04:00

Over the past month I experienced being “canned” from my NASA work after 7 years. (‘Canned’ is the delightful way one of my clients put it …’fired’ is much too negative.)
In view of that stellar event, I am giving myself important advice: it’s important to collect lessons learned … and here are some of them.

Question for me: Are we coaches ever indispensable?

‘Indispensable’ is not the language of coaching, is it? No, and that’s perfectly fine. Intellectually (logically) we know we’re not. Coaching is a choice involving both client and coach. “I don’t really want a coach” is just as valid and appropriate as “Yes, I think I’d like a coach.” That’s how the profession goes … no co-dependency, always choice. Only people who want (at some level) to be coached are actually coach-able. Agreed?

I’ve been thinking about the dynamics of informing 35+ clients I would not be able to coach them anymore. (In organization coaching when under a contract, the holder of the contract has all the power … that wasn’t me.) The whole concept of ‘choice’ came into focus as did all sorts of emotional reactions from my clients. Let’s go through my list as I see it at this moment in time.

   1. In a 3rd party contractual arrangement, a client is not directly responsible for compensating the coach. In other words, “If someone else is paying, I’m on board!” How difficult is it to imagine what happens to the commitment when the contract is broken? There were extenuating circumstances regarding my ability to approach a client with an offer to continue. Ergo, the choice to be coached is suddenly compromised. And, moving from “free” to “time to pay” is not going to happen often if ever.

   2. Over the many years I’ve coached, when possible I have done my very best to ease the conclusion of a coaching relationship. In some cases, that meant smoothing the road to another coach. In some cases, that meant setting the client up for future success without the support of the coach. In some cases, that meant dealing with strong emotions, often on both sides of the relationship (e.g. anger, shock, sadness, fear, resignation, disappointment). This time an emotional reaction was prevalent and a challenge to manage. I needed to balance my own anger at how this all came down with my deep caring for each client. Clearly, my role was to be calm and caring … every time.

   3. Above all, and of course given coaching is a choice, unquestionably the coach is never indispensable. It is the natural course of our profession that each client will ultimately depart for one reason or another (remember that Coaching Agreement?). Over 18 years of coaching, that moment (however it occurs) is something I’ve experienced over and over and over again. For sure, I’m not now or ever have been indispensable in the life and work of any client. Yet I do have the private pleasure of knowing that sometimes I made a difference.

   4. Coaching self-management also includes the conclusion of the relationship just as surely as any other phase of the relationship. This time, it was the quantity and rapid time frame of the departures that taxed this coach more than ever before. This was new territory for me and not a welcome experience. Yet, and no matter what, I get to keep forever the experience and memories of wonderful people who do great work.

What’s next? Bounce back, engage my creativity, work hard, focus in, and stay out of the “soup of unhelpful emotions.” Sounds like a plan for 2011 and beyond.

Not Becoming Enmeshed

2010-09-01T22:57:00.000-04:00

It's well known (or at least considered by most) that life is a series of events that we live through via the stories we create about each event. At least that's my take on life. Think about it ...everything is more interesting that way ... and I mean everything. Even in the absence of much or any information I will fill in the blanks with whatever occurs to me, often a worst case scenario. Thinking of myself as an optimist, I find I must resist that "worst case scenario" stuff as much as possible.

What's even more important is that our effectiveness in life is determined (at least I think so) by how we respond to those events. It's like a great shortstop (baseball is the game) fielding the ball within nanoseconds and throwing it to the appropriate base. There's no drama, no emotional indecision for the player. He simply takes the action.

What does this have to do with coaching?

One of the behavioral hallmarks of masterful coaching is the coach's capacity to stay out of the client's story ... i.e. not become enmeshed in it. For new coaches, it's nearly irresistible to stay away from getting involved. After all, aren't we all learning how to connect, to create trust and intimacy, to be present, ... and all of those essential competencies? Sure! That's square one. Being friendly, interested, captured by someone else's account of their situation is truly cool. Our clients love us to "get into the story" with them.

At this time in my life I find myself getting enmeshed in my own stories. I'm rather good at not getting enmeshed in my clients' stories. Before you laugh too hard, as I said this morning on a conference call where everyone was talking about all the great things they did all summer, I'm in a perfect storm at the moment. In fact, I'm caught in my own life drama proving once again that we coaches have a seriously great challenge in managing ourselves. 'Wishing' won't make anything go away. Even 'hope' won't do the deed. Good coaching just might.

The other day I had some very good coaching around all this drama ... my very own soap opera. In looking at my soap opera I discovered that I actually do some things well right now: shred papers, go through files and clothes to donate, mess around with Twitter, fool around in my yard and watch a bit more TV than usual ...oh, and read action novels. Sounds like I don't have much to do and ... you're right! The coaching outcome of this most excellent session was for me to give myself permission to indulge my wishful thinking or frustration for 5 minutes and end it. There's no denial necessary or onerous discipline to this practice except that 5 minutes = 5 minutes. That's pretty okay with me.

This personal approach derives automatically from how I practice coaching. I've often helped a client figure out a practice like the '5-minute rule.' I don't know if a client takes one minute or ten but it's the point of the thing. So, in coaching you and I cannot, must not, should never become part of a client's story ... like a player in a game or actor in a play. Our job is to listen for what's being said and not said. If I am in my client's story, I'm going to miss clues and most definitely those particular clues that can possibly make a difference. I want to be present, connected, trusted, close ... but not enmeshed. I have to have room (and objectivity enough) to pick up those clues!

It seems to me that becoming enmeshed is to tamper with the partnership that defines the coaching relationship. I'll think more about that later. Of course you may have better or more interesting ideas on the subject.

Partnering: The Coach’s Road to Mastery

2010-08-16T22:11:00.000-04:00

This blog was written for coaches who struggle with being helpful, often too helpful, thus denying themselves and their clients the full range of possibilities that coaching from partnership can provide.

Christine’s Fearless Definitions:

Helping – Lending a hand as if stronger, more knowledgeable, or in a position of strength.
Empowering – Creating a context where another assumes power on his/her own in a situation or idea.

In working with dozens of coaches at all stages of development from new student to master with my role being either a mentor coach or examiner for credentials, it has become quite evident that we who are of the “helping professions” have a more powerful role to play in the lives of our clients than simply helping them will allow.

There are two distinctions, unique to coaching in how they are used, that may help clarify for us what coaching is truly all about and why it is different from all other “helping” professions.

1. Partnering. This essential piece of the relationship between client and coach is the heart and soul of coaching as practiced in its purest form. Partners are equals, peers, co-creators. There is no hierarchy in partnering. Neither does partnering relegate the coach to observer, commentator or passive listener. While the coach doesn’t act as the knowing expert, the coach partner does participate in developing actions and ideas with the client not for the client. They work together in service of the client’s agenda.

2. Respecting. We coaches care deeply for our clients…at least that’s an assumption on my part. My experience has been that caring is a double-edged sword. And so I ask myself this question routinely: Do I care enough for my client that I will not permit myself to tell, direct, or judge their ideas, actions or results? ‘Caring’ as used in the coaching relationship is best described in terms of “respecting” as a profound expression of caring. My question then becomes: Do I respect my client enough …?

My observations about helping others extend to those among us who enter the professional of coaching in order to help people. Going along with this concept of helping others is the idea that being a nice person is also a requirement for being a coach. Who wouldn’t want to be and be known as a nice person? Who wouldn’t want a nice person as a coach? Who wouldn’t want to help others?

If I am a truly nice, caring and wish to be helpful to others, is that not sufficient to one day be a master coach? All I need to do is learn the techniques of coaching and the rest is experience. Clearly from my own observational experience, this is a not uncommon mindset of people who call themselves coaches, credentialed or not.

What do ‘nice,’ ‘caring’ and ‘helpful’ have in common? Referring back to my fearless definitions, they have in common the relationship between the coach and client. Taken together, these very wonderful human traits and behaviors can support or preclude partnership. When partnership is not possible, it may be due to the hierarchical relationship inherent in helpful/helping, being nice above all things, and taking caring to a fault.

In a coaching conversation, when I extend my hand to help my client by directing, solving, requiring or offering my ideas in lieu of theirs, I have either precluded or disturbed the partnership that defines the finest expression of coaching.

The road to mastery requires a coach to become a partner with each client. The genesis of partnership is curiosity, the activity is exploration, the being state is ‘not knowing,’ and so the result is empowerment of the client. A client who then becomes aware of what is so, becomes able to design and deliver actions that resolve, develop, turn around, handle, change and transform the reality or the story.

To conclude, the inherent ideal for effective masterful coaching is to respect the client as a partner and owner of the agenda. Being nice, generous, soulful, mindful … yes, and caring then all become the innate behaviors of the relationship that is built on respect and an appreciation for each other as individuals.

Before You Leap Across the Gap

2010-08-11T10:09:00.000-04:00

This week I was given an opportunity to talk about the MCC exam with current PCC's who are aspiring to that credential. I've been talking about the "gap" between the two credentials, the challenges of moving from the model of a training program, and the indescribable nature of what the MCC exam expects from you.

I find I know a lot about the MCC exam. I hope I do since I assess them routinely. That's helpful. The logistics and what to expect are a key part of being able to "perform" during the exam. Another even more critical factor is to have practiced the exam many times. When I taught grad school I was always frank with my students about the format of an exam, how it will be graded, the time frame and recommended preparation work. I do no less when describing the ICF credentialing process. It all counts.

Why? Well, it's never wise to take things for granted. For instance, sending in just any ol' recording of a session is a possible road to failure. The recording is evaluated just the same as the live oral and needs to be a coach's best work. That requires recording session after session after session with a variety of clients, listening to each, selecting the best and then having a qualified mentor listen as well (usually for a fee if a letter is to be written). Ultimately the coach candidate will make the final choice and own it.

So what is the challenge for me here, really? For me it's making sure I'm somewhat comfortable that what I am saying is valuable and just going for it. There's another opportunity to continue the conversation next week. My approach to the next session must be some middle ground between what I know I know and that I don't know everything. I'll operate once again from the caveat that I am lecturing about the exam which only leads to a listening coach knowing about the exam. The ultimate leap is next to be taken ... or as one can say: it's time to get on the court and get in the game.

So before you leap, permit me to ask: How narrow is the gap for you? Is it a huge leap? Is it a comfortable leap? Are you confident you can make it? Have you practiced enough? Do you have a safety net if you don't make it the first time?

Being Present: Defining What Cannot Be Defined

2010-08-04T14:06:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my thoughts, my inquiry.
While Coaching Presence is a core competency of ICF professional coaching, I’m not writing this to only coaches. My intention then is to talk about the idea of “being present” as being a critical skill for effective work with people … period.

I work everyday with this coaching core competency. It’s fascinating, ephemeral and indefinable … yet one knows when it’s, well, ‘present’ (or as we coaches might say), in the space, or not missing. It’s a curious phenomenon, at least to the extent that I might say something like “the coach was at an early level of presence but a long way from mastery.” For me that kind of evaluation is intuitive but not easily explained. What’s interesting is that two coaches can agree, most often easily, that our perceptions are the same.

This is one competency I never let get away. It’s too important. As I have many items on my plate (that are over-the-top challenging), being present with each client, each time and completely, becomes an essential skill to renew all over again … and again … and again.

First a couple of definitions (my own):

Present: being with one or others or in the specified or understood place. (It seems to me this is a behavior or action)
Presence: the ability to project a sense of ease, poise or self-assurance. (It seems to me this is a quality of a person, as in a distinction)

In thinking about this blog I began to pay attention to people interacting with one another because I gave priority to that level of noticing.

Here are two actual observations that I experienced as similar but not the same at all … see what you think.

(1) I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … children presenting flowers, people in native dress smiling and waving, dignitaries greeting one another. I also noticed how the politician responded to these people. I was struck by the insincerity … the inauthenticity of it all … the performance, as it were. As a remote observer I did not experience any joy or pleasure in this scene … actually, I felt somewhat embarrassed. What’s key here is that I had a feeling about it at all … as if I had an investment in this person’s behavior.

(2) On another occasion I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … the same scenario. However, on this occasion, the politician was clearly authentic … greeting people with great pleasure, paying attention to each, receiving gifts and flowers with pleasure and a feeling that transcended mere duty. There was something authentic and appreciative in this scenario. As an observer I experienced pleasure and even delight at watching a very powerful person being present in the setting at a level that was clearly a gift to those around. Once again, it seemed I had an investment in this activity.

What then is “being present?” What about it is so important that it would be a core competency of an entire profession?

That brings us first to …

Christine’s First Fearless Law of Communication:

Being personally present is central and essential to having an authentic relationship with another person, no matter what.

Being a fan of Murphy and a teacher of logic in my university days, you might expect that I would expand on what I just asserted as basic.

I have.

There are four corollaries to my First Fearless Law...

Corollary One: PARTNERSHIP. Being present to another person engenders and creates partnership, a core aspect of the relationship of coach and client.
Corollary Two: CURIOSITY. It helps to be curious about something.
Corollary Three: EXPLORATION. Partners can embark on marvelous journeys of exploration.
Corollary Four: DISCOVERY. Discovery is the inevitable and remarkable result of exploration.

To be continued ...sometime later. What do you think, so far?

Being Present: Working with the Indefinable

2010-07-30T12:35:00.001-04:00

I work everyday with the coaching core competency called Coaching Presence. It’s fascinating, ephemeral and indefinable … yet one knows when it’s, well, ‘present’ (or as we coaches might say), in the space, or not missing. It’s a curious phenomenon, at least to the extent that I might say something like “the coach was at an early level of presence but a long way from mastery.” For me that kind of evaluation is intuitive but not easily explained. What’s interesting is that two coaches can agree, most often easily, that our perceptions are the same.

While Coaching Presence is a core competency of ICF professional coaching, I’m not writing this to only coaches. My intention then is to talk about the idea of “being present” as being a critical skill for effective work with people … period.

First a couple of definitions:

Present: being with one or others or in the specified or understood place. (it seems to me this is a behavior or action)

Presence: the ability to project a sense of ease, poise or self-assurance. (it seems to me this is a quality of a person, as in a distinction)

In thinking about this blog I began to pay attention to people interacting with one another as I gave priority to that level of noticing.

Here are two actual observations that I experienced as similar but not the same at all … see what you think.

(1) I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … children presenting flowers, people in native dress smiling and waving, dignitaries greeting one another. I also noticed how the politician responded to these people. I was struck by the insincerity … the inauthenticity of it all … the performance, as it were. As a remote observer I did not experience any joy or pleasure in this scene … actually, I felt somewhat embarrassed. What’s key here is that I had a feeling about it at all … as if I had an investment in this person’s behavior.

(2) On another occasion I watched as a politician was being greeted as a visiting dignitary … the same scenario. However, on this occasion, the politician was clearly authentic … greeting people with great pleasure, paying attention to each, receiving gifts and flowers with pleasure and a feeling that transcended mere duty. There was something authentic and appreciative in this scenario. As an observer I experienced pleasure and even delight at watching a very powerful person being present in the setting at a level that was clearly a gift to those around. Once again, it seemed I had an investment in this activity.

What then is “being present?” What about it is so important that it would be a core competency of an entire profession? That brings us first to …

Christine’s First Fearless Law of Communication:

Being personally present is central and essential to having an authentic relationship with another person, no matter what. Being a fan of Murphy and a teacher of logic in my university days, you might expect that I would expand on what I just asserted as basic. .

There are four corollaries to my First Fearless Law.

Corollary One: PARTNERSHIP. Being present to another person engenders and creates partnership, a core aspect of the relationship of coach and client.
Corollary Two: CURIOSITY. It helps to be curious about something.
Corollary Three: EXPLORATION. Partners can embark on marvelous journeys of exploration.
Corollary Four: DISCOVERY. Discovery is the inevitable and remarkable result of exploration.

Taking first things first, there is an order to all of this. Hopefully, the acknowledgement of order will calm the mind of those of us who appreciate and even demand order where order is possible. It’s also my intention to assert that my First Law and its four corollaries are the essential pieces to not only effective, powerful coaching but are also essential pieces of effective, powerful communication in any domain. After all, coaching is but one way to communicate with another person or group of people.

Let’s take a look at the four corollaries. I’m going to put them into a diagram as I am inclined to do with just about anything. I like systems and visual relationships. For those of you who do also, this is an easy one. It’s the typical four-quadrant square.

Being Present:

Working with the Indefinable to Achieve Definable Results

Now we have a model, unproven, inelegant, subject to scrutiny and totally unsupported. But is it really? Why not conceive of this “picture” as just a picture of what actually happens when present to another person. In some realms we call this “possibility.” Could this be the order of things when taking the indefinable “being present” and translating it to “on the court action?”

I have a motive here. I teach coaching and often coach coaches. How does one teach the indefinable? Do I teach what it is not? Do I observe it and “catch it” in mid-air so to speak while exclaiming “That’s it!” Why would I not get the response from my student or client: “What did I do?” and back we go.

Tell me … How did you learn to be present? Are you present right now?

Learning How to Listen

2010-07-19T14:08:00.000-04:00

I'm going to take a liberty here and relate a quote I found today to what we strive to do as coaches:

Author Ted Mooney described learning "how to look, and how to teach people to look":
If you stand in front of an artwork of even medium value, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to look, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to see the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to see the object whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner it works too, by the way.

I wonder if you agree with me that 'listening' can be another version of this description of how to look. After all, they are both sensory functions, 'listening' being the one we use more than 'looking.'

It takes something special with a language to describe a complex function in so few words. So with no permission from Mr. Mooney other than a faithful promise that I will only change the essential words involving seeing to listening, here goes...

"[H]ow to listen, and how to teach people to listen:

"If you hear the voice of someone from anywhere and from any social standing, you really have to spend some time cleaning your mind of words utterly, and just begin to listen, and keep yourself as blank as possible, for as long as possible, and you'll begin to 'see' (experience) the relations of things, how they fit or don't, and eventually you'll be able to hear the words as a connected whole, and then you can start letting words come in again, and they will be the right words. If you do the same thing on a street corner or in a group it works too, by the way."

Somehow this quote caught my attention, probably because I just wrote about 'routine housekeeping' as an activity of a coach. This quote says it better, at least in my opinion.

Like it? Does it speak to you?

Routine Housekeeping

2010-07-12T16:23:00.000-04:00

Well, that's not quite the topic with this blog of course. I'm reminded everyday with every client and in every situation to keep my head clear when all about me is not. The essence of the "not" can be seen easily with the following stock phrases:

"I'm in my head."
"You must be in your head."
"I feel so ...."
"She never ...."
"I don't like it when ...."

You get the picture. We humans are full of involvement with our feelings and thinking and experiencing. That's the way things are. But as coaches, a major part of our skill set is to not engage these "heady" conversations, experiences and feelings while with our clients. Our job is to serve each client by being interested (as opposed to interesting) and curious. I'm going to boldly say that being "in one's head" is not exactly a recipe for effective coaching.

What do you think? Did you pick up on the word 'engage?' Never will I say that coaches shouldn't feel or think or experience. Our humanity is our gift to a person we coach. What I want to tweak here is the idea that "being in our heads" or being absent from our client is to abandon the purpose of coaching.

That may be a bit harsh.

Routine housekeeping. Once upon a time I managed a rule book for a sport (swimming). When we had minor adjustments (inconsequential, basically) to a rule we called it housekeeping in order to not get wound up in administrivia and word smithing too often. So let's see ...

Routine housekeeping in this conversation is about clearing our heads each and every time we work in our beloved profession. That's not some of the time, it's every time. My dad would say "clear the cobwebs" and I would say "turn the switch." That's what you and I must practice every minute we work.

What do you think about that?

Structure and Mastery

2010-06-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

In coaching, this subject comes along rather frequently.

Structure.

It's a matter of physics. There is a structure to anything and everything no matter how amorphous it seems, no matter how small or how large, no matter how undisovered ... there's structure. An amoeba has structure, of course.

So (my favorite coaching transition word) here's the question: "What is the structure of a conversation that's not supposed to have a script or seemingly no structure?"

The reason this is a subject for now is my prior blog on PCC to MCC ... the big gap. The structure a student learns in a coach training program is a script and that may be where we begin and end this discussion.

I then will ask you: "What is the purpose and utility of a script?"

For all the years I took drama courses and from my youth performing in plays, a recent foray into that world reminded me that a script is a structure for the story that allows me to portray the character within that script. I imagine that makes sense to most. But does being able to use a script well infuse me with mastery? I imagine most of you will say something like 'how could it?'

Yet again I will ask you 'what then, is mastery?' To answer that it might be wise to disappear into metaphor. I invite you to watch actors and sportspersons and journalists and others who are brilliant in their work ... seemingly without effort... and decide for yourself what the structure of their work actually is. In my experience do not be surprised if you find it very difficult to discover the actual structure that separates them from a script or a rule book or a deadline.

I leave you in the inquiry. I hope you find it well worth the time.

The Big Leap from PCC to MCC

2010-06-15T22:40:00.000-04:00

I’ve become clear that the leap from a coach training program’s idea of how to coach to being ready to pass the ICF MCC (Master Certified Coach) exam is often Grand Canyon size. I don’t really like to make this kind of distinction as it smacks of “Gee lady, who are you to pass judgment like that?”

Fair question, of course.

I learned from the mouth of the late, wonderful George Leonard (Mastery) who reminded us all that mastery is a journey that requires a relentless commitment to practicing whatever it is one wants to master. He sees the actual road to mastery as a series of long and often unexciting plateaus where nothing seems to happen. “How come I’m not getting there?” “Why is there always more to do, more to practice, more times to fail?” Well, the answer is what he told us.

I have the deepest admiration for coaches who opt to be peer reviewed in a rigorous exam that does not hold back, play favorites or engage in politics. It’s really like that. I have admiration for a coach who approaches and attempts the MCC exam and does not succeed at first and yet never gives up.

Back to the leap.

Coach training programs play to the level of acceptable PCC (Professional Certified Coach) which is absolutely sufficient and indicative of a coach willing to sit for peer review and go through the rigor of the ICF requirements. No one is going to diminish this achievement. I do not say this lightly as I would bring aboard any PCC to work on a project without hesitation.

So who wants to submit to the high possibility of not succeeding in the MCC exam … often at first and occasionally several times? Well, that’s a choice that some want to make. My admiration is loud for those who stay with the development of their coaching skills and style even though the journey is often long, unexciting, frustrating and fraught with the possibility of failure along the way.

If this is okay with you, welcome to the journey!

Using Expertise in Coaching

2010-06-04T10:06:00.001-04:00

How does a coach use expertise and still remain a coach? Sounds simple ... or does it?

One of the changes I wish the ICF would make is to have a core competency call "Using Expertise" ... it's so needed. However, in the interest of not having enough clout to make that happen, I can at least blog about it.

When I first entered the ICF world in 1996 and then at a Conference in 1998, the idea of being a "business coach" was looked at with scowls and doubts. Just so you know, I was not trained as a coach in any of the first few coach training programs that focused (in the U.S., that is) on life or personal coaching. The perpetual struggle at the time was separating coaching from therapy/counseling/psychology. I wasn't in that struggle as I had one of my own: how does one's expertise fit in with a coaching model that doesn't include expertise at all (just read the current ICF Core Competencies and take note.)

Now I'm not going to put down the CC's as I use them everyday and appreciate their power. In fact, the worm has turned with respect to expertise with the advent of executive coaching as a power in the ICF through university coach training programs and those of us who hide out in organizations (as I do now).

Notwithstanding all this, the technique of using expertise is critical to remaining a coach for a client rather than an advisor or consultant ("this is what and how you do it") in approach. So here's what I do and I'll give an example ...

My client has a struggle managing his time and tasks. What's new about that? Nothing at all. High performing people very often get lost in in their sea of work and, absent managing it, often get lost at sea. It's tempting to "help" your client by giving them techniques to solve their situation. Very tempting and seemingly easy. But as a coach I'm not in that relationship with my client to do that. The test begins when faced with a fervent plea for help. This is where explaining once again how coaching works: "We'll tackle this as partners who will explore together what you might do about it." That's the first instruction. I also like to spend quite a bit of time in the exploration phase where my own curiosity can spur curiosity in my client. The facts are these: (1) we both need to know more about how my client works best; (2) what's the depth/breadth of the situation; (3) what's working now; and (4) what outcome makes the most sense. That's a rather leading series of questions/requests isn't it? Well, this part is all about clarifying the agenda so we know where to begin.

Do you recognize a bit of expertise showing through here? I hope so. Working with a client on a gnarly issue like "time management" isn't an "open question" at the outset. We need to have something to build on ... agree?

When all the preminaries are sorted out, it's time for coaching to take hold. This is when questions become open, the reminders of accountability become clear, the client is learning and seeing with new eyes, and the possibilities of new thinking appear. How cool is that?

You may notice that lists of things to do haven't appeared ... and they're not going to appear when impact coaching is happening. Things to do (aka 'actions') will come along naturally whenever the client's awareness reaches the "I can do something about it!" stage. That's when the coach is supportive but not naive ... "What might get in your way?"

I've found that just about everyone has issues around time and money ... no matter where they're from or how they think. Accepting this as a logical part of being human gives me wide space for accepting the infinite variety of ways people deal with these issues ... and gets me off the hook for being a 'know-it-all" with answers and directives. Clearly we all have it in us to find the way forward, especially with a coach who works from curiosity and lets the client do the "heavy lifting."

Plateaus and Mastery

2010-05-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

Practice, practice, practice. I've said this before but it's never going to be different. The road to mastery is a series of plateaus (per George Leonard's Mastery). The darn downside to spending our overwhelming amount of time on a plateau is that it's flat and boring ... well, maybe. For sure it's flat given all we're doing is practicing what we want to get great at doing.

From Mastery, Chapter 10...

"You resolve to make a change for the better in your life. It could be any significant change, but let's say it involves getting on the path of mastery, developing a regular practice. You tell your friends about it. You put your resolution in writing. You actually make the change. It works. It feels good. You're happy about it. Your friends are happy about it. Your life is better.

"Then you backslide."

What's this have to do with you? I find as I mentor and assessor coaches at all levels, that exam failure is the big backslide for some aspiring coaches. If not even taking the credentialing exam is the result of not wanting to fail ... or backslide ... then the road to mastery for you will be rather challenging for other reasons than just landing on plateaus all the time.

I'll let you chew on that for a while.

If you're gung ho! about pursuing excellence and mastery, then simply knowing that you will be "practicing" constantly, learning all the time, putting yourself out there routinely, measuring your skills against standards ... all that kind of thing. So we are once again reminded of Leonard's admonition that practice actually becomes the way life goes and will always go. If one actually arrives at mastery then the only option is to get back on that plateau.

Back to George Leonard (who by the way was a 6th degree Aikido black belt, top gun, and much more ... he died recently in his mid-'90's after still practicing Aikido at age 93).

"[L]ifelong learning is the special province of those who travel the path of mastery, the path that never ends."

"Over the long haul, there nothing like the path of mastery to lead you to an energetic life. A regular practice not only elicits energy but tames it.... On the master's journey, you can learn to put things in perspective, to keep the flow of energy going during low moments as well as high."

I hope you found the experience and wisdom of George Leonard inspiring and important.

New Lessons in Self-Management

2010-05-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

Self-management is a never-ending lesson.

It's been about a week and a half since my mother passed away peacefully in her sleep. After 5 months of family care in a hospice setting, our family can be proud of our teamwork.

So what does this have to do with self-management? Plenty. A lot. More than I thought.

As a professional coach, my role in the life and work of each client is to be their partner as we seek out insights and what to do about them. During my time in California (several trips across country) I was able to work and enjoyed my mother's interest in "people who can work on the phone." She never really knew what I was up to but enjoyed asking about every call.

It seemed pretty simple and not too difficult to serve clients while being her companion and chef (now there's an exaggeration!). Well, she enjoyed the meals so what else is important? I'm certain I was able to be present (after all the years I've practiced being present) and didn't engage my clients in what I was doing unless asked ... then only briefly. It wasn't my coaching time, after all.

Enough of the story.

It's been a week-and-a-half since my mother passed. I find myself struggling to accomplish anything except effective coaching calls ... thank goodness! Here's my insight: I am clear and present to my need to manage myself in service of my client. In this case I'm including one-on-one clients, a class in group coaching, and a class in executive coaching I taught last Saturday. All went well, are going well, and remain a delight as always. That's professional self-management! That's what I'm looking for and learning about. Above all, even when I don't feel like my morning swim, my work will thrive.

Uh, now there's that other side: personal self-management. Perhaps I'm just asking too much of myself right now. First things first: take care of my professional self, stay away from making too many decisions for a while (even business ones), and begin (begin!) to manage my personal self-management. I sort of think I'm talking myself into a behavior pattern that will work best for all concerned. After all, losing one's mother is a life-altering event ... it's been 32 years since my father died.

Here's what I think personal self-management is all about: it's about being generous with myself in allowing moments of personal grief ... then moving along to what's needed. My mother and I were very close. She would and did ask me to be gentle in caring for myself.

In our professional lives, it is my experience that above all I must be authentic ... I mean really authentic. When with a client it's about the client, when with myself it's okay to be about myself, when enjoying something it's about that.

That's presence and I'm still working on it.

Coaching Self-Management: Never Step Over the Obvious

2010-04-20T15:46:00.000-04:00

I've talked about this previously, I think. But it's ongoing and ripe for some more investigation.

I dash back and forth across the country to do my part as a caretaker of my mother. Our entire family is engaged in this remarkable display of selfless teamwork. Even great-grandchildren were doing their share being terrific, drawing pictures and "swiffering" her hardwood floors. We all love my mom/grandma/GG (one does acquire a plethora of names throughout one's life). We know she is dying and are making her last days comfortable in her hospice setting at home.

In the middle of this activity I must work. My work is coaching. My profession asks that I work at my best with each and every client no matter what.

"Never step over the obvious!"

First of all, I acknowledge what's in my "space" (to use coaching jargon). Perhaps I should just say that I acknowledge what's so and move on with the conversation. How does one do that? I mean, there's the emotion of a mother ill and dying in the next room. In my situation, my mother thinks what I do is wonderful and smiles broadly when she hears the phone ring. That alone is supportive and inspiring.

"Never step over the obvious!"

First and foremost my work as a coach requires me to be of service to my client and his/her agenda for that coaching call (I have run out of energy around the term 'session'). After thousands of hours as a coach, by now I should have acquired quite a skill being present (a core competency of coaching) ... fully present to my client and to what we're talking about. There's more to this: I also must be in the mindset of curiosity, willing to explore ideas, thoughts and concerns as a partner with my client in that hour. This is definitely possible no matter what. What makes it so or helps to make it so is that I have not stepped over the obvious (my mother's illness) neither have I made it the subject of anything but a soft "reporting in" when asked by my client. That's it! It's not complicated and frankly it's quite a lovely respite from my world to be able to engage in the world of another person.

This way of approaching professional coaching allows the coach to be effectively self-managed.

Three Is Enough

2010-04-01T11:15:00.001-04:00

I was one of three ... two younger brothers and myself ... the dreaded older sister. In relationships that's truly a triangle with interesting dynamics.

Happily for you I am not going to talk about that in this blog.

Over my 25 years in business, 17 as a coach, I've discovered the power of 3.
Huh? Okay, here's what I mean by this:

It occurs to me that holding more than three key ideas, three new thoughts, three goals, three tasks, ... get the point? ... is just about too much. There's also the idea that 3 is an uneven number so when you vote (by yourself about yourself), one side needs to win (i.e. if there are only two sides to the vote). LOL

Think about this ... as a recovering multi-tasker of amazing skill (only in my own mind) I found overwhelm to be the undesired result of taking on too many whatevers. I had this typical response to tasks that needed to be done: "Count on me! I can handle that!" And I paid a dear price for half my life lived that way. Sure, I was superwoman and the manager of all things perfectly. Only, that's not possible, is it? Something is bound to give way.

When we work with clients who are in overwhelm or even when work on ourselves, it's absolutely necessary to help them narrow the field ... great coaching questions like "What's on your list of things to do?" will open up the proverbial can of worms as the response, "I don't really know."

I work with this exact situation rather often. Sometimes it's the "first baby step" process ... and doesn't an accomplished engineer love to think about that! Well, yes. How can I tell? The pain comes through the phone. Often it's time for a little story or a bit of levity to break up the misery (my client's not mine). "Is it okay if we start at the beginning?" (This is not a therapy question since the beginning is right now.) We might discuss what's urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent (and sometimes none of the above).

By now you've figured it out: for a person in overwhelm, everything has become urgent with the fatal accompanying response to "Take care of this by 5:00" being the all accommodating "Sure." Once your client sees this little scenario (and they do quite quickly), a whole world can open up that is punctuated by the word "no" or some sort of negotiation. In order to get some buy in to their own insight, coach might ask for a current example and take it from there. Working through "how to do this" together as partners, exploring ways that fit with client's style and the task details, ... this is 'the first baby step' to taking charge and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as the light and not a train coming.

Back to three. It's always a good idea to stop at three steps, goals, ideas, tasks in order to make progress. Make it simple. Keep it simple. 'Three' is a manageable number. Afterall, overwhelm is a sure pathway to inferior work, problematic relationships, unhappiness, frustration, illness ... you name the rest. It's beautiful when overwhelm is resolved for the benefit of all.

Thoughts About 'Permission'

2010-03-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

I learn a lot from listening to or being a client for ICF credentialing exams. Often I get coached wonderfully. I am grateful for that experience. Sometimes I'm not coached well. Nevertheless, I always learn something.

'Permission.' That's my subject in this blog.

'Permission.' Oh my gosh, why does a coach training program insist that their students ask permission to do or say anything and everything? It's so annoying. It stops me, the client, from being in my own moment because I have to say 'yes' then and go into the coach's moment. I call that "stopping action."

Now of course, permission is VERY important in coaching but not so that it overrides good professional coaching. (Actually, any annoying habit overrides good coaching.) Somewhere in the Core Competencies the word permission is used: "permission to coach in sensitive areas" ... but that's it. Until a coach and client are engaged in a deep conversation where a sensitive area is being unearthed, what is gained by asking permission in so many words. Also, in Coaching Presence it's a mark of this competency that the coach is confident, flexible and present. This follows on the heels of Establishing Trust and Intimacy ... doesn't that imply permission? Or should we say "Do I have permission to coach you with trust and intimacy?" Oh gee.

When a coach first meets a potential client it's time then to deal with asking permission. Make sense? In an exam situation, we assessors actually say it's not necessary to go through the "big agreement" but to just start coaching. How clear is that? If you get uncomfortable and move into a sensitive zone simply ask if it's okay ... 'okay' is a less intrusive word. We sometimes get stuck on one word when other words will do the job. I've listened to exams where the coach gently asked if it was okay to "go there" ... with the response of "not now." That's marvelous and natural and respectful. It's about the client, after all.

To bring this to a close, allow me to give you permission (as if I have permission to do that!) to coach with confidence, caring, trust, intimacy and presence ... because your client gave you blanket permission to do so.

The Fine Art of Noticing

2010-02-26T22:44:00.000-05:00

One of the most effective ways to manage the complexity of life these days is to learn and practice the 'art of noticing.'

Hey, that sounds simple. What's the big deal?

Well, 'noticing' is the fine art of taking in all the stimuli, sounds, words, actions, ambience ... you know, all that stuff that makes up our close-in universe.

What??? How can I do that? If I took in all that occurs around me I'd get nothing done, not to mention I'd be unable to "manage the complexity of life."

As a coach it's now time to ask me a powerful question: What do you mean?

'Noticing' requires some skill in order to make it work. That skill is to pay attention to only that which counts.

Feel better yet?

Let say I am walking down the street in New York City. To what will I pay attention due to the extreme sensory overload that is evident and constant? Well, when practicing the fine art of 'noticing' it's critical to not get involved with 99.99% of what comes at me (see list above). By 'not involved' I mean to refrain from opining, interpreting, changing, ignoring, etc. anything that doesn't matter. As I walk down the street in NYC, I choose to notice anyone who catches my attention (for any reason). I refrain from interpreting or thinking about that person; I just notice. What I notice quickly passes from my "viewfinder" as I move along unless there's a reason to get engaged in more than noticing ... i.e. thinking about and interpreting what I see ....

In coaching we cannot spend time having opinions and interpretations (through our own mental model of what should or can be) without becoming uninvolved with our client. When I do credentialing exams or mentor coaches I "hear" this all the time: a coach busy figuring out "the next best question" or having an opinion about the client or client's idea or wondering about something important to the coach. I can pick this up with no problem.

The 'art of noticing' is integral to the art (skill) of 'listening for' ... an active way to listen. If I take in what's around me as I listen to another person (i.e. be distracted), I will miss the essence and likely anything else the other person wants to communicate in that moment. If I develop the capacity to 'notice' (as I describe it here), I will spare myself involvement with distractions of any kind.

Thus, the 'fine art of noticing' is the necessary preparation for profound listening ... the skill a coach must develop in order to master the competencies.

Try it on. Notice how you receive this blog: what opinions did you form right away? If you noticed yourself and are honest about it, you're well on your way to learning and practicing the 'fine art of noticing.'

Coaching with Metaphor and Story

2010-02-19T14:13:00.000-05:00

We each have a plethora of stories to tell ... but to whom?

Did you know that another person can get their life out of your story? Hmmm. That seems amazing and a bit hyperbolic. Possibly so but, never discount the illustration and what another can do with it.

I'm just off the phone with a client who is in the midst of a consequential transition in his job. It's disorienting to change ... who doesn't know that. So first we talked about how it's going at his end of the picture and then we talked about a major transition I'm involved in on my end of things. The whole thing dissolved into some raucous laughter because each of us has made a big deal ... big drama ... out of it all and we saw that in each other.

So what? Well, out of all this my client saw quickly a series of small moves he could make to put him in the mindset of moving to another building ... and, incidentally... to also put his current colleagues in the mindset of adjusting to change. Guess what? The entire drama was about change (of course it was).

Here's the point. As a coach it's not my role to take on my client's life or decisions. It is my role to partner with a client in a search for what is going on. So, a story that simply occurs to me at the moment (one cannot plan for such moments, by the way), may be a way to explore. The best part is that I tell my story and my client gets what he gets out of it. It's not my role to tell him what the message is. Sometimes it doesn't work but often it does.

Metaphors are pictures, music, scenes, poems, stories ... that have nothing to do with what we think they are. They work beautifully also but mostly are visual keys and clues ... movies, sports ... these are great metaphors. For example, this week we're still in the midst of the Olympic Games in Vancouver, Canada. Watch the champions and you'll see metaphors for high performance everywhere you look. Bringing a metaphor like that to a client is powerful; bringing it into your thinking is also powerful.

Here's the deal with stories and metaphors: you cannot plan them, have them ready, think about them. They are to be spontaneous, arising out of what your client just said. And, more important than anything, they are first person, lived again in the moment, and never lectures "about" the story. Remember that. It's critical you do.

Tell Me More

2010-02-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

The open-ended question “Tell me more” is often touted as a powerful question. But is it? Let’s take a look.

Evoking a deeper conversation…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. In the context and present moment of the conversation, “Tell me more” becomes a powerful question that can evoke a deeper thought, completeness and perhaps a new level of insight. The coach doesn’t ask more about the details but instead listens “for” and is more interested in what isn’t being said or how it is being said than what is being said. In this case, it is the conversation itself that invites “Tell me more.” In this context, “Tell me more” is an ideal and powerful open question that allows exploration, discovery and awareness. The coach and client remain partners in their work together. The client assumes and remains fully accountable for decisions, actions and outcomes.

Making the story more interesting…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. The coach asks the question: “Tell me more.” The client fills in the blanks and begins to describe the situation in greater detail. The coach becomes fascinated with the details and continues to ask more. In the coach’s mind, it’s all about clarification. Along the way the coach stops the conversation to summarize: “Let me see if I hear you correctly.” The discussion goes along on the level of a fascinating conversation. Can you feel the superficial context of this conversation? Within the coaching conversation, a considerable amount of time has gone by that has been mainly about details and whether or not the coach understands the details. In this scenario, “Tell me more” becomes a limiting question that merely asks for more and more details. The conversation remains quite nice, the client may see some actions to take, the coach feels satisfied that the client is getting value, and the deeper underlying issues remain hidden.

Shifting the conversation from client to coach…
A client describes something but doesn’t quite complete the thought or is sketchy and vague. The coach responds to the client’s words with “That’s interesting, I’ve had the same experience (or “that’s my area of expertise”). “Tell me more.” At this point, the conversation shifts to the coach as expert. The client may be anxious to resolve the issue and asks the coach “Tell me how you solved it?” A coach who hasn’t made the shift to a peer relationship with a client will become directive (i.e. tell the client what to do). Can you see that the client in this type of conversation is not likely to own the resolution, the action or the outcome? Leaving the client accountable for his/her decisions and actions is not the usual outcome of this kind of conversation. And most certainly the potential of richness in a collaborative coaching relationship is not possible.

This article was originally written for the University of Texas at Dallas' Executive Coaching Program's newsletter.

Snow, Listening, and Not Knowing

2010-02-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

These past two weeks I discovered that snow makes noise. Yes, it does fall silently except when in a blizzard. Yet, the far reaching effects can be noisy ... not the kind one hears with one's ears ... just the noise consequences.

There is a reality to our dependence on electronic communication ... I ought to know since it's how I make a living. When I was a skier without a business like coaching, snow meant only "hey, let's hit the slopes!" and nothing more. This was my relationship to snow for 25 years. And I miss it.

So what do I mean?

Well, when a client cannot call, go to work, use the Internet ... when my assistant cannot do any of these things ... because the snowfall is so deep and consequential ... then snow isn't softly calling to me, it is weather I listen to with both ears and eyes fastened to The Weather Channel. Snow is now noisy and interfering with making a living. Oh yes!

In coaching we listen differently to each client and situation. Just as I have begun to listen to snow differently and to take in what it means (which is a bit more than just weather that happens) so also must I never forget to listen to each client with an open mindset and a willingness to "not know." Whatever is new must have a place to show up. Even listening to snow differently.

'Not knowing' is far from a simple state of being when one is a "know it all" who wants to help out. 'Not knowing' is a gift to a person who must figure out how to work through a situation or problem and it's the gift of the coach who is there to explore and discover with the client what that might be.

I like to think of the great explorers: Magellan, Hillary, Armstrong and so many more who took the ultimate chance, risked it all, and fortunately came back to tell us about it. These inspiring, courageous explorers might like to know that coaches also dare to explore with our clients inside the possibility of discovery always being present.

"I will study and get ready and someday my chance will come." ... Abraham Lincoln

Coaching Competencies and Family Life

2010-02-05T22:22:00.000-05:00

Blogging slipped away from me most of January Twenty-Ten. There's a saying that I always laughed at but here I am living it: "Life interferes when you have other plans." But it's the realness of life that makes it worth living.

Of course I worked as usual through some challenging days. Coaching is a profession that demands I take care to self-manage myself. No client of mine is owed my challenges unless our relationship is at such a point it's okay to share. Every client's agenda is front and center every time. And lest we forget, being authentic is still the overarching behavior for a coach.

Once again "listening" became the most important quality I could bring to my 91 year old mother who is becoming less strong every day. I needed to bring every listening skill I possess to her bedside so I could hear what she wants for the end of her life. Sure, I could listen to her through the filters of my own feelings and wishes. But would that serve her? Of course not. She is now under home hospice care, not a decision to be taken lightly, but one she willingly made. I was there to listen, to care, to deliver her decision.

Why is this important for coaching? Or should I respect you and assume it's completely obvious. We in professional coaching who know what coaching is will get the message easily.

Let's see: My mother has an agenda that it's my job to honor. My mother and I trust each other implicitly; it was my role to create a safe space for her. I was present in my mother's house and to her wishes, flexible in what my role was and confident I could carry it out. I listened, listened and listened again until we were completely aligned on her wishes. I asked questions that had impact with no niceities to hide the reality. I, the coach, reached awareness; my mother was already there. We designed actions and created a plan. We did so as partners so my mother would not be left alone as time moved along.

Coaching is transferable to all and any relationships we find in life. So many of my scientist/engineer clients tell me how what we talk about for their work slowly and surely "gets home and into my family." It doesn't matter whether coach or client ... we can bring impact to whomever desires us to do so.

A Day at the Metropolitan Opera

2010-01-11T18:01:00.000-05:00

Listening and Being Present work as a team. I was at the Metropolitan Opera in New York on Saturday for two operas: Der Rosenkavalier and Turandot. In Der Rosenkavalier the audience was pin-drop quiet ... a marvelous audience completely captured by the beauty of the music, the acting and the story. We were, as a group of 3,000 people, listening as one. It was an extraordinary experience.

What was that about for me? The Met has the English translation on the back of the railing. It is immediately available to only my eyes (every seat has this). One can briefly glance at it to follow the story as needed. Here's what I learned by listening to such a level and in such an environment:

When about 22 I first attended this opera ... it was gorgeous and great to see it ... but I did not understand the full impact of the story. Why? I was too young to capture the nuance and the depth of what was transpiring. This time I was not too young but had lived a long life inbetween. I listened with a captured mind and heart and a full appreciation for the story being told in such a magnificent way. Oh sure, I could have been captured solely by the beautiful voices, set and costumes and the waltz we all know too well. Those were there; they completed the picture.

The second opera Turandot was completely different ... a full stage with action and a plot of love and death. Once again, in the same day, one was called to be present, fully present for another 3 hours. Yes, it was possible and why not? What could be more wonderful than to listen and watch the magnificence of extraordinary performance with a beauty that captures the eyes as well as the ears.

Being in the presence of those who were also listening with passion and open hearts was all I needed to myself be fully present ... continuously for 4 hours plus 3 hours. This phenomenon made the length of time non-existent and the stories alive.

What is this all about? Let's see ... can coaching be this way? Are you able to sustain a context of appreciation and presence in order to listen actively and openly for several hours in a row?

What do you believe it takes?

If you read my story about the Met, perhaps you will understand what I believe it takes.

A Private Sadness

2010-01-07T14:43:00.001-05:00

My dilemma is around privacy ... do I want it and if so, how much? Do I not want it that much and willing to be more public?

Today I'll go past what I might ordinarily do in that regard and speak more personally than I usually do. I hope you're okay with this.

My brother died yesterday at 66 while in hospice. Alcohol was his guiding force and not a very beneficial guide as you can imagine. It killed him.

He never ... never ... ever ... stood up and took charge of his own life. Only once in the past 40 years did I hear him sober and I didn't recognize him when he called. He squandered a profession that saw him at the top of his game. You see, he was the exterior designer of the original HP 35 calculator ... the first one. The insides were designed but not the external package, keys and displays. This was a genius design and one that sent him to the top of Hewlett Packard Advanced Design. But he never made that work.

I had a 35 and still use an HP 12-C every day. Brilliant designer, he was.

Well, he once admitted that he drank from the time he was 13 ... but in those days who talked about such things, even if we had known? That was the beginning of "not listening."

I stopped listening to my brother a long, long time ago. The very skill I use every day was useless to me. I am not proud of myself here. I make no excuses for this but I truly never understood why he never sought an end to his prison. Many times he would call to tell me he was going into rehab but he never stayed a day in any. If alcoholism is an illness then he surely had it and was disabled by it at an early age.

There are times in life when one does not or cannot listen to another person. It gives me no pleasure or solace to say that frankly I had no influence on my brother and so it seems I lost all interest in truly listening to him. What a sad commentary on how I gave up caring. May he rest in peace.

Accidental Lesson in Listening

2010-01-06T12:55:00.000-05:00

I was in the bank today with plenty of time to conduct my business ... a rare moment so I do everything at one time. On the TV a controversial report on CNN was playing. One of the people in line turned to those behind him (I was out of the line waiting for something else) and began using language probably not welcome by everyone. He was opining about the new flight restrictions and the "stupidity of everyone." I noticed how quickly others joined in or nodded. I was in a place to watch and hear.

Did I want to hear this person opine? Not really, so it was up to me to tune it all out. I was immediately reminded of how we selectively perceive, listen and hear. I did not want to judge this person but of course I did to some extent ... and I wouldn't join in as I had a positive experience at the Toronto airport two days ago ... even with all the changes, pat down, searches. It all worked and for my benefit.

Anyway, what does this have to do with coaching? As a student of humanity ... one cannot help but become this after coaching for as long as I have ... I need frequent reminders that I am in charge of how I listen and what I hear. This goes for client work. Given every client is different from every other client, I must listen with generosity, acceptance and appreciation. If I cannot do this every time I am not coaching ... I am doing something else. Harsh as that sounds, listening is the heart and soul of coaching techniques and so must be the gift you and I give to another. And a wonderful gift it is.

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." ... William James

Holiday Drama

2010-01-02T07:01:00.001-05:00

While we're in the thralls of the main holiday season of any year, the subject of drama truly is approporiate. We have religious observances, mad scrambling retail buying, the end of the year approaching, a new year arriving with immense fanfare. And all of it is a human construct designed for drama whether we think (or thought) so at all. Well, so what?

For me it's a perfect time to sort through the bits and pieces of the dramas of my life and work. I generally have a couple of weeks of introspection (always dangerous for me) to ponder the reality that my life does have drama of my own making.

How does this apply to my coaching or yours?

1. I simply must renew my compassion level for the dramas of others.
2. I also must not assume others have the same dramas playing out as I do.
3. I must renew my capacity to be patient with myself and others.
4. I must not listen to the existing dramas that accompanied me into this world ... that was a gargatuan failing of mine when much younger (back to #1 above only this time adding myself).

So my coaching benefits by renewed compassion for all concerned, my return to not knowing everything, and my appreciation that an idle mind over the holidays actually can be in and of itself rather renewing rather than a time for mischief and concern.

The Role of Drama in Coaching

2009-12-31T12:11:00.000-05:00

Thinking about drama ... let me explain a bit.

The 4-D Systems 360 that I use for my work with the wonderful people of NASA opens up 8 key behaviors that mark and define one's leadership effectiveness. The use of an evaluative or development tool is not unfamiliar to most coaches. I find this particular system elegantly simple and effective. And we have voluminous metrics to back it up ... talking about that is for another time.

After working with 4-D for quite a long time I find myself having a good laugh over this phrase: "I lead a soap opera life." Who said that? I did, often and over many years.

What does leading a life of drama or even getting involved in a drama at work or in family mean? To define what I mean by 'drama' requires nothing more than to look at movies and television. The heart and soul of drama is that it is exaggerated, greater than the facts and ... in my experience ... damaging. Whoa!

My blogs to date have concerned "listening" with a foray into "being present" ... so now can you see why now? When immersed in a situation that has slipped from being a situation into a full blown drama, a coach (or anyone for that matter) has a barrier to being with his/her client. I call it being "in your head" ... self concerned, looking for the right question to ask, failing to hear a client completely, having opinions, directing the conversation and ... aw, having the solution instead of letting the client discover it.

It's not you? Hmmm. Why do I hear this kind of coaching so often? I'm sure the coach means well and is "trying" to apply good coaching skills. I'll be addressing this as we move forward.

About the Train Ride...

2009-12-30T09:11:00.000-05:00

About yesterday. I found quite quickly on my way to the train that I wasn't as "present" as I needed to be. I actually experienced "knowing" how to do something (I've done many times previously) and going ahead and not doing what I knew to do. My take on all of this is that I simply wasn't present to the task (simply boarding a train in the correct car). Once on the train I was grateful all turned out okay to that point and proceeded to take advantage of the 3-hour ride.

So (a favorite coaching term but a valid one), I enjoyed my breakfast on the train, popped on my iPod and listened to Enya and other gentle, lovely music. I do know how to decompress and clear my head ... do it all the time. This time I was intentional about "being present" to my practices that I always thought (or assumed) worked well ... but now I know they do.

Did I arrive at my destination with a clearer head and less drama? Uh huh. It showed in the quality of thinking and visualizing that I was asked to do ... one of my tasks for the 4 hours I would be working on the future. I noticed this also: I become almost fearless when free of the drama that accompanies frustration, anger, and even some positive emotions. I have freedom to create, opine, become engaged, .... Nice, eh?

This brings to mind that "drama" plays a part in the act of being or not being present ... I shall think upon that and see what shows up. I had not thought much about this until now.

Practicing Coaching Presence

2009-12-29T06:43:00.000-05:00

Time to embark on that essential and yet enigmatic coaching competency: Coaching Presence. The test will come today as I do the following: get over being angry over some bureaucratic insanity, traverse snow and ice carefully, happily board a train (love trains) and spend 3 hours with my iPod and laptop, lovely food and great service, finally arriving at my destination to work with super terrific people. Got it? So what does this have to do with being present? ... well, everything.

My job for the next two hours is to come to terms with the bureaucratic mess, toss it aside and practice what I do everyday, all day ... be present to my clients. So today, I will put myself to the test and clear my mind of judgment, anger and frustration. There's another time to deal with that situation.

Coaching Presence asks some pretty basic behaviors of ourselves: be flexible, be present in the moment, listen without judgment, be confident and care for the people/person on the other side of the relationship (be it business or personal). Well, it's not so simple and it does take practice.

Practice is the place where you and I spend just about all of our time, isn't it? Ask George Leonard ("Mastery") who reminds us of this: love the practice because it's most of life. So today I will practice yet again what I've been practicing consciously for the past 17 years: be consciously present, as if it were a new practice. 'Presence' then has a chance to show up and be the coolest behavior of all. It's a win for everyone, including clear thinking.

Enjoy your practice session. It's called 'life.'

Coaches and Communication

2009-12-25T22:47:00.000-05:00

Communication models all show the critical nature of listening as key to completing the cycle. It's like this: we speak (with an intention to be heard, usually), our message goes through filters (language, bias, past experiences, motivation, etc.) and hopefully reaches someone (or something) who receives it. Of course it's obvious just having it received (a telephone or email can do that) is not exactly sufficient, but we do want the message ultimately delivered and heard.

There's a lot of noise that keeps this cycle from being ideal but it's how communication works (in a rather abbreviated nutshell, but you get the message). For those of us who practice the art of listening, this level of understanding is rather important. For a professional coach, it's the essential technique of our work ... as I have blogged previously.

The holiday season reminds me ever more loudly how I must not confine my listening to my professional life but must transfer that skill to every aspect of my life ... every corner, every person, every idea, every message. Wow, that sounds burdensome ... perhaps to some but it's not burdensome in reality. My next set of blogs will begin to describe how a coach can listen, hear, filter the noise and use the clues without being burdened at all.

For those who argue that I've only described one kind of communication, rest assured you are correct. There's a lot to talk about ultimately.

Listening Through Enjoyment and Appreciation

2009-12-21T12:42:00.001-05:00

There's always something to say about listening ... it's rather important for everyone, not just for coaches.

Listening through the filter of enjoyment and appreciation can work wonders for not only the coach but also for the client. When a client has a seriously great sense of humor, seriously serious coaching doesn't make for an enjoyable conversation. That's precisely why sharing stories is so darn powerful. A first-hand account of something dumb (per my client's description) can effectively diffuse the situation and the drama that could follow.

Let's face it, we humans are rather amusing. Thinking of all the dumb things I've done and survived always provides me with laughter and a few great stories. Of course, one can't fake this ... ever ... but deveoping a good sense of humor is possible and a great idea.

So, my client told me a story about something he was "trying" to accomplish by doing the kind of administrivia he simply dislikes doing (gosh, haven't heard of that, have you?). I smiled on the other end of the phone while he went on and on about it all. My smile was internal given these were the same kinds of tasks I dislike as well. So I said "Nice job." and he replied "I didn't like it at all." "What didn't you like?" "Uh, well it wasn't that." "And it was...?" "It was really okay. The results were wonderful and everyone felt appreciated." We laughed big time. He had backed himself out of a story that had nowhere to go because a much better one intruded. Cool stuff, eh?

Our lives are important. What we do is important. How do I know? I know because I say it is."

Using the Arts to Learn How to Listen

2009-12-19T11:39:00.000-05:00

You will find many ways to practice listening and hearing what is being communicated.

For me, listening to music evokes something in me that’s greater than just the music itself. Like all art, there’s the composer and performer that "speak" to us. What a perfect opportunity to listen to what each wants us to hear. For example, Jean Sibelius' 2nd Symphony speaks to me of not only exquisite beauty through the sounds alone, but even more of the lush country called Finland that he said he wanted to "paint" with his music.

Perhaps you can listen to the visual or tactile arts. How might you do that? Well, as I see it, your rapt attention to the work of art is a way you listen to your own experience from within yourself. What an ideal way to pratice listening without judgment! If you find yourself becoming a critic of the art, stop and contemplate what it might be like to "listen" to the artist without judgment.

When all is said and done, the pleasure and delight in all of art is that the beholder/listener decides in some mysterious way what is pleasurable and delightful. For those who listen without judgment (is it good art or do I like it), whatever is present may have a chance to come through to you, to me, to anyone. It takes practice.

Listening without judgment or your own mental model of what should be, takes conscious thought and deliberate practice, just as does anything worth learning to do well.

Take the Filters Off

2009-12-17T16:44:00.000-05:00

Today I experienced listening to a coach who was not listening to the client. Somewhere in all the angst of an exam, the coach began to assume what the client was asking to work on rather than finding out ... or better yet, hearing the client's explicit wish.

I know this coach is much better at the skill of listening than this conversation revealed. However, it brought to mind that if a highly trained "listener" can miss the point, how easy it is for a lay person to struggle with basic communication.

Listening is an action, hearing is the result of listening. When I want to be heard, I am asking you to listen carefully, keenly, actively. I have something to communicate to you. So it is with our coaching clients. Let's put it this way, when I am listening to my own inner dialogue, how in the world can I also be listening to you? When a coach listens to either their own issues (often via the issue of the client) or has a mental model of how things should be, the client is not being heard, no matter how plaintiff the request. It was that way today.

Think about how you listen. Are you open completely? Did you take off the filters of judgment, opinion and knowledge? This is key as listening is the technique cornerstone of coaching.

Storylines

2009-12-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

From my 4-D Systems project with NASA, I work with a concept called “storylines” … not unique actually but highly effective for making changes because changing them is not very difficult. It has to do with listening. I’m going to say boldly and without reservation that when we speak we listen to what we say … mostly. If that is so, then our brains react to what we say. Here are examples:

I dread Mondays.
Teenagers are always trouble.
I love my work.
No one understands me.
I don’t think I’ll ever be good at managing people.
My boss doesn’t like me.
It’s a beautiful day today.
I don’t like people with different accents.
Travel broadens my perspective.
I’ll never make enough money.

Take a look at each statement. Which ones will limit you in some way? Which ones will encourage or inspire you in some way?

Now take those that limit you and change each to be a statement that encourages or inspires you. Here’s an example:

“I dread Mondays” is seriously limiting to your possible productivity or enjoyment of the entire coming week (at the least). Trust me it is. It’s a script destined for your perpetual unhappiness. Listen to it. Say it again. Listen to it. Now take it and change it to a storyline that will encourage or inspire you. “It’s Monday and it’s going to be a great week.” That’s one version. You could say to your self “I like Mondays” as a first step. At least you’ll get yourself to neutral and begin the change what you listen to.

Being Impatient

2009-12-15T22:28:00.000-05:00

How do we listen during times of added excitement, stress, distraction?

For one thing, I tend to become impatient during these times ... indicating I'm listening to myself and not to you or my client. Impatience is an interesting behavior of mine ... sort of a reinforcing "I know , I know" so get on with it 'cause I don't have the time to listen to anyone else. I think of times when my impatience is an outward indicator of my inward bad mood. Since I don't often think I'm in a bad mood, where does this all come together? Perhaps as I get older I find myself less and less impatient with others; I hope this is true.

What does impatience look like to you? Is this one of your behaviors? And what does it have to do with coaching?

Well, it has plenty to do with coaching. For one thing, being impatient takes away from being present to another person, to the conversation itself. When I'm listening to myself and not to my client I can scarcely be an effective coach.

How do we listen when we're learning a new set of skills, such as coaching?

Being impatient has an effect on a person's ability to listen completely. What I mean by that is what I hear far too often in coaching exams and mentoring: the coach steps over what client is saying in order to perhaps move the conversation along, to think of the next question to ask, or to prejudge what the client is trying to say. Impatience is the best possible example of a coach who hasn't quite yet aquired a decent level of coaching skill. Early in my coaching career I was often impatient, being a "know it all."

'Impatience' it not one of the words I've contemplated previously in connection with coaching. However, it is the behavior that underlies what I would call early-level coaching when uncertainty and "trying to do it right" are the markers. What suffers is the essential coaching competency called "Active Listening."

Many Reasons to Listen

2009-12-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

To whom shall we listen? I just completed the account of Barack Obama's winning Presidential campaign. When I read I look for the underlying principles of that activity or situation. This approach applies to mysteries, novels, non-fiction ... everything: to what shall I "listen" and what is there to learn?

It occurs to me that I listen powerfully only after I know why and what I'm listening for ... that includes what I'm interested in, want to know about, or even to discover something entirely new. For a coach, listening is the key coaching technique ... how else can we have the conversation and explore what the client wishes.

Back to the campaign account ... there's a lot to learn or re-learn in this well-written book: The Audacity to Win. David Plouffe clearly articulates how the core management team (along with the candidate) created a strategy, tested it in Iowa (for a win nobody predicted), and stayed with the strategy even in the face of naysayers. I don't mean to laud being stubborn ... not at all. Events demanded decisions and some re-direction but the original strategy was never changed.

What does that mean for you and me? We coaches seem to gravitate to marketing solutions of every kind and promise ... to a fault, actually. The best strategy is to pick one and go for it with a realistic optimism and hard work. That's all that works ... there's no magic to building a successful coaching practice. Wishing won't make it so.

I started this blog with the concept of listening. The result of listening powerfully is to make smart decisions (for our own practices) and to really hear what the client wants all the while picking up the clues that reveal the client's underlying limits.

Listening to the Past

2009-12-11T17:53:00.000-05:00

My work now is to listen keenly and listen for what is said or not said. It wasn’t always that way, of course. (I’m talking about coaching and the listening skills required.)

I went back to my HS reunion recently and brought with me my acquired skills since those days eons ago. I felt an amazing sense of appreciation for those I met and spoke with … actually it’s clear I was listening to people. With 300 out of 800 in our class, sitting down to dinner with three women I knew from the second grade on was thoroughly delightful.

What was it about my school days that might be valuable now? Well truthfully, and the truth is at best interesting, I wasn’t listening to anyone other than myself during that time in my life. I was consumed by what others would think about me. My parents made less and less sense as I grew into my teen years. I didn't listen to them either.

I learned this a while ago and experienced it yet again: We keep people in place as we last “listened to our own opinions about them.” My reunion was more interesting because I knew this about how we remember: we remember how we listened (once upon a time). My surprises were that people who hadn’t seen or heard of me in 50 years remembered (almost to a person) that I was “shy, smart and headed for success.” I remembered myself as “not quite good enough, a failure then.” My script therefore was how I listened to myself and never how anyone else listened to me. Clearly, for the earliest days of my life, no matter what the facts (I was a straight-A student), all I heard in my VOJ (voice of judgment) was that I didn’t succeed and wasn’t going to make it unless I worked really hard (at what I did not know then).

More on listening next time ...

Time to Speak

2009-12-11T11:40:00.001-05:00

It has been way too long since I wrote on my own blog.

There are issues in professional coaching that have been on my plate for the past several months. To be heard on the subject I began communicating on LinkedIn regarding the ICF credentialing challenge.

What I want to do is renew writing on my blog.

In the interim I've also been on Twitter with over 1,000 Tweets. This is fun but it keeps me off balance. Nonetheless it is the most informative source I've ever known. I keep up with politics and science especially. So, Twitter and LinkedIn plus the daily news sources will remain in my world but not as the only communication I enjoy.

Time for completing the communication process. Time to speak.

Including Leads to Partnering

2009-08-26T15:55:00.000-04:00

Question: How does one acquire the mindset of 'inclusion?' Why ask it, why answer it?

Well, this was asked by a coach today during a teleseminar on a leadership development 360. For me this was a great question. My immediate response was to recall all that I had been hearing today about Senator Ted Kennedy. People talked about his capacity to include everyone, to work for everyone, to bring people together, to get difficult legislative work done when it seemed impossible or unlikely. How do I react to that? I felt included in Kennedy's Lifetime Commitment to quality healthcare for everyone. While I would do my part, I knew he was fighting for fairness for all. That's what I mean by inclusion.

Have you ever felt or been excluded? Sure, we all have. And who would say it was okay? Not anyone I know. You and I in our human way must simply find a place to belong.

How does this impact coaching? First, it impacts coaching in the way we interact with our clients. Coaching is about forming partnerships with our clients ... and for me this is the most inclusive relationship there is. When I try to stay 'more than' or 'more expert than' or 'I know best'... I am excluding my client from my world and diminishing his/her world.

What do you think about this?

Why Do I Do What I Do?

2009-08-24T22:16:00.001-04:00

For quite some time now I've been concerned about the future of the ICF credentialing processs. It's no secret it's far from perfect and quite frankly will never be given the inherently subjective nature of the process. For about 3 years I was at the center of the process, even chaired it as a volunteer (2005-06). Since 2003 I've participated in over 200 assessment exams and reviewed about 100 for technical compliance. Okay, so what?

You might want to ask why did I do that? Power? Influence? Ego?

None of the above. I gave my time and still do just for one reason: to support the credibility of a credential I earned, cherish and respect. I want the profession to become much more than "just another good idea."

Along the way I discovered that coaches who know how to coach as partner with the client are able to smoothly coach client after client, to effectively self-manage themselves, to be free from having to know what they have no need to know, and to be able to enjoy coaching for the long term. Burnout is far less likely to occur.

Lessons along the way are always valuable.

The Start of a New BlogTalk Day!

2009-08-24T16:25:00.000-04:00

Wecome! This is what's going on ...

In order to stay unconfused about where my former blog resides I decided to create an entirely new spot (pardon the pun). My "talking" will be about coaching because it's what I do to make a very nice living and I love it absolutely. I have a reputation for being outspoken ... thus a blog is a satisfying outlet so I can continue to be.

Yet, my balancing role is to not be outspoken but to encourage feedback and a dialogue whether or not we agree. Therefore I can be assured that "outspoken" is just a story about me and not the real deal.

I've been Tweeting for some time now (over 750 Tweets on my list as of 8/24/09). CoachCMartin@Twitter.com. Lots of it is political stuff, a passion of mine. This blog is not for that purpose. This is time for coaches! Fearless coaches! So (a favorite coaching word), any politics in this blog are coaching organization politics (oh joy!). What do you mean? you say. Politics in coaching? Despite what we think of ourselves, we are just as human as everyone else. We have opinions, we differ, we search for answers and often just the questions.

That's what I'm about and look forward to posting my thoughts and ideas.